Tonight was spent with an amazing group of friends. We celebrated a friend's 30th birthday with an 80s party. It was the BEST party EVER...all the details were from the 80s! It was cool to take a step back in time to remember the 80s with the music, movies, toys, candy and so much more.
As the night was coming to a close I watched everyone as a slow song played. There were young couples in love, an engaged couple, newleyweds, some couples married many years and some for far more than that and the common thread throughout them all was love. It was a blessed feeling to see them all in love with the person God made for them. They all seemed lost in that moment with their loved one even as many of their kids ran around enjoying the balloons so unaware a slow song meant they should slow down. This was an amazing way to spend the night celebrating the birth of a great person and friend!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
A Lost Moment in Time...
Ever feel like your running a race to beat the clock? Did you look up and find out the clock stopped ticking? The harder you run the more behind you get, a slower you become the more fast the world speeds around you. It's like a bad dream you can't wake up from yet you never went to sleep so how do you snap out of this stage? You close your eyes to be plagued with all the unanswered prayers, the nightmares waiting to come true, a vision of hope slips through your fingers as you reach out to catch it. What do you do now? This sinking feeling in your chest is growing live a dark cave sucking you in, your being devoured by the endlessness of it all.
What is to come of this lost moment in time?
What is to come of this lost moment in time?
Friday, November 27, 2009
Good Grief...
Wow...it's been a almost 2 months since my last post but I have a good reason, because I have been living my life and living it to the fullest. I have completed two 5ks, I train a couple times a week, I work A LOT, I have been planning and planning a couple things, I have been struggling with the future and what mine holds. God holds my plans and is preparing my steps. My heart is longing to do his work and I know it is going to take me out of Tallahassee. I have also been dealing with the heart break of those in ministry hurting me and others around me. I guess no one is free from it. Pain can be caused by those who call themselves Christ followers because we all get so caught up in our lives some forget we are all still human.
2 new tats...to symbolize the stage I am in right now, actually to represent what I have survived. I can't wait for Christmas and my snowboarding trip coming up!
2 new tats...to symbolize the stage I am in right now, actually to represent what I have survived. I can't wait for Christmas and my snowboarding trip coming up!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
One step at a time...
I think I may have used this title before but if I have it's okay because today is a different day with different accomplishments. My motto from now on is "i am living as though today is my last. why put things off till tomorrow when we are not guaranteed one?"
I signed up for a gym membership and a coach/trainer. I have detoxed this week and pushed through some of the most intense pain ever BUT I see the light and WILL get there this time. As I type this blog, I have both wrists in braces with pain patches on them. I will slow down when my body tells me to but living with Fibro makes you view pain differently. I have to push through as much as I can so it doesn't take over my life.
Next accomplishment...
Today I took a spin class at the gym and finished with a smile :) The lady next to me didn't believe this was my first class because she said I did so good and my trainer was really happy at how I kept up. Thank God - I made it!!!
I found out today I will get some vacation time the last week of December and I get to spend Christmas and New Years with my family this year - the first time in 5 years :) I plan on snowboarding when I go home. What will I do tomorrow????
I signed up for a gym membership and a coach/trainer. I have detoxed this week and pushed through some of the most intense pain ever BUT I see the light and WILL get there this time. As I type this blog, I have both wrists in braces with pain patches on them. I will slow down when my body tells me to but living with Fibro makes you view pain differently. I have to push through as much as I can so it doesn't take over my life.
Next accomplishment...
Today I took a spin class at the gym and finished with a smile :) The lady next to me didn't believe this was my first class because she said I did so good and my trainer was really happy at how I kept up. Thank God - I made it!!!
I found out today I will get some vacation time the last week of December and I get to spend Christmas and New Years with my family this year - the first time in 5 years :) I plan on snowboarding when I go home. What will I do tomorrow????
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
A Red Light Moment...
Okay, there are sometimes I just have to laugh because I know God is laughing at me. (which I am totally cool with). Sometimes it takes me longer to catch on to what he is trying to get through my thick skull. So let me share my moment of laughter with you.
Monday as I am heading to work, feeling really blah and just dealing with a bunch of life's junk. I am babbling to God asking why right now, why am I in this season, what is going on, why can't things just change...I must have been getting on his nerves because even though I was running a bit late God decided in the midst of my babbling to give me a red light at an intersection I NEVER have to stop at in the morning. LOL, even though it was dark outside the light bulb came on bright enough to light the sky. God dropped into my spirit as loud as day...You are just taking a pause in your journey. As soon as the light turned red it changed to green...not even long enough for me to stop!
I get it God :) thanks for reminding me! Some seasons may seem like they will take forever when we are in them but before we know it they will be over and have flown by. I felt a lot better and more chill after this God moment.
Monday as I am heading to work, feeling really blah and just dealing with a bunch of life's junk. I am babbling to God asking why right now, why am I in this season, what is going on, why can't things just change...I must have been getting on his nerves because even though I was running a bit late God decided in the midst of my babbling to give me a red light at an intersection I NEVER have to stop at in the morning. LOL, even though it was dark outside the light bulb came on bright enough to light the sky. God dropped into my spirit as loud as day...You are just taking a pause in your journey. As soon as the light turned red it changed to green...not even long enough for me to stop!
I get it God :) thanks for reminding me! Some seasons may seem like they will take forever when we are in them but before we know it they will be over and have flown by. I felt a lot better and more chill after this God moment.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Some late night poetry...enjoy!
Times have changed
I caught a glimpse when you thought I did not see you. I like that I don't remember you and me. I used to want to remember every detail now I like the fact I don't care to remember anything about you. I live a life of freedom that you no longer control, look how the times have changed.
Shattered
The rain pours down as I lay here, memories flooding my mind…your name is being screamed by the downpour, my soul aches for what once could have been…before the minutes turned to hours, the days moved on, the moment you left and I didn’t realize you would disappear forever, no goodbye, no closure just a broken life, one tragedy unfolded so quickly I couldn’t breathe then I realized a death took place yet a new life began, ironically your death changed my life forever, once a mourning heart turned into a joyous one not about your death but my life, you tried to destroy me yet I lived as you walked out ironic isn’t it?
A Warrior's Battle...
Two worlds battle for my soul! They both want my destiny. One road is good while the other road leads to death. The dark road keeps trying to entice me to take a journey just once, past reminders of a life I once had with the cruel master of disguise. He masks a world you think you want and then he places you in a hell you have to fight to escape. Those reminders of past pain fade as you feel this longing to capture what you once dreamed of...the players we conquered to prove a point ended up to be one night stands that you never seem to remember their names not even 15 years later when you barely remember what they looked like, or the sip that turned into a drunken night, a tiny piece of paper took you on a trip of your life with magical colors, fingers crossed it would be a good trip not the bad one you had last week, or maybe on one of those lonely nights you decided to stay in the cold blade became your escape - a drop of blood could ease a world of pain you hid for so many years out of shame and guilt. Wait I see the light shining through this dark dream of the past...I hold my breath, you grab my hand and a cool breeze of peace falls upon me as you pull me to safety. Another day conquered, surrendered to my maker...the one who wants to bless me, love me and give me the world. Thank you Jesus for never letting go!
Never Settle for Second Place
You wanted me to look at this world through your jagged eyes. You never understood or maybe you never cared to see how I felt. I have feelings, they mattered you know. I begged you to stop just once...think of me and what this was doing to me but you wouldn’t it was about you as always. Everything was about you, you never let me spread my wings to fly, you always wanted to hold me back, my soul almost died trying to get you to see the reality of your actions and words.
Out of jealousy you tried to take the love he gave me, it was never meant for you yet you would never seek him to find out what he had for you…you tried to live through me but he didn’t want you to live this way. He has plans for you, I must be myself and walk on the path set before me.
The Last Night
The handful of pills each marked with a failure in my life are ready to be chased by a bottle of depression an overwhelming sense of loneliness, rejection…the ending was planned. See the problem is I am not the author!
I stand at the edge, gasping for breathe about to jump then out of no where you took my hand and led me down. I remember that night like it was yesterday…all the pain, disappointment, anger, rage, fury, love, joy…all of it gone. God was merciful and stopped me before I wrote the end and made this story a tragedy instead he birthed new life from it. A legacy still in the making!
***Reading what God has put on my heart tonight makes me want to add a disclaimer - I am releasing what has been bottled up in me for years. See I used to be a writer till a tragedy in my teenage years caused me to stop writing. I let everything I went through be bottled up inside of me. I went through some life changing counceling with my pastor almost a year ago yet my heart has still longed for me to release the memories through my writing. I can't explain why God chose tonight, I mean it's almost 1 a.m. and I need to get to bed but I can't sleep I needed to pour my heart out. I do know that I have been holding back from writing and I'm not sure why...I am healed from my past and everything I have been through. One day these will be a part of a book I am writing to help others to know that God has never left you even when you feel all alone. In the darkness, he is there and he wants to bring you into the light and give you a new life. What was meant to destroy me will be used to bring glory to God's name and work. I will share my story with all who I encounter, one reader at a time!
I caught a glimpse when you thought I did not see you. I like that I don't remember you and me. I used to want to remember every detail now I like the fact I don't care to remember anything about you. I live a life of freedom that you no longer control, look how the times have changed.
Shattered
The rain pours down as I lay here, memories flooding my mind…your name is being screamed by the downpour, my soul aches for what once could have been…before the minutes turned to hours, the days moved on, the moment you left and I didn’t realize you would disappear forever, no goodbye, no closure just a broken life, one tragedy unfolded so quickly I couldn’t breathe then I realized a death took place yet a new life began, ironically your death changed my life forever, once a mourning heart turned into a joyous one not about your death but my life, you tried to destroy me yet I lived as you walked out ironic isn’t it?
A Warrior's Battle...
Two worlds battle for my soul! They both want my destiny. One road is good while the other road leads to death. The dark road keeps trying to entice me to take a journey just once, past reminders of a life I once had with the cruel master of disguise. He masks a world you think you want and then he places you in a hell you have to fight to escape. Those reminders of past pain fade as you feel this longing to capture what you once dreamed of...the players we conquered to prove a point ended up to be one night stands that you never seem to remember their names not even 15 years later when you barely remember what they looked like, or the sip that turned into a drunken night, a tiny piece of paper took you on a trip of your life with magical colors, fingers crossed it would be a good trip not the bad one you had last week, or maybe on one of those lonely nights you decided to stay in the cold blade became your escape - a drop of blood could ease a world of pain you hid for so many years out of shame and guilt. Wait I see the light shining through this dark dream of the past...I hold my breath, you grab my hand and a cool breeze of peace falls upon me as you pull me to safety. Another day conquered, surrendered to my maker...the one who wants to bless me, love me and give me the world. Thank you Jesus for never letting go!
Never Settle for Second Place
You wanted me to look at this world through your jagged eyes. You never understood or maybe you never cared to see how I felt. I have feelings, they mattered you know. I begged you to stop just once...think of me and what this was doing to me but you wouldn’t it was about you as always. Everything was about you, you never let me spread my wings to fly, you always wanted to hold me back, my soul almost died trying to get you to see the reality of your actions and words.
Out of jealousy you tried to take the love he gave me, it was never meant for you yet you would never seek him to find out what he had for you…you tried to live through me but he didn’t want you to live this way. He has plans for you, I must be myself and walk on the path set before me.
The Last Night
The handful of pills each marked with a failure in my life are ready to be chased by a bottle of depression an overwhelming sense of loneliness, rejection…the ending was planned. See the problem is I am not the author!
I stand at the edge, gasping for breathe about to jump then out of no where you took my hand and led me down. I remember that night like it was yesterday…all the pain, disappointment, anger, rage, fury, love, joy…all of it gone. God was merciful and stopped me before I wrote the end and made this story a tragedy instead he birthed new life from it. A legacy still in the making!
***Reading what God has put on my heart tonight makes me want to add a disclaimer - I am releasing what has been bottled up in me for years. See I used to be a writer till a tragedy in my teenage years caused me to stop writing. I let everything I went through be bottled up inside of me. I went through some life changing counceling with my pastor almost a year ago yet my heart has still longed for me to release the memories through my writing. I can't explain why God chose tonight, I mean it's almost 1 a.m. and I need to get to bed but I can't sleep I needed to pour my heart out. I do know that I have been holding back from writing and I'm not sure why...I am healed from my past and everything I have been through. One day these will be a part of a book I am writing to help others to know that God has never left you even when you feel all alone. In the darkness, he is there and he wants to bring you into the light and give you a new life. What was meant to destroy me will be used to bring glory to God's name and work. I will share my story with all who I encounter, one reader at a time!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
God Rocks!!!!
So what if everything you have just got accustomed to changed? What would you do if God said I need you to go somewhere for me? Could you make that change? I have prayed for years that God would use me in that way and now may be the time. I can't be a 100% until I fast and pray more but God has spent today reminding me of things he revealed to me months ago but I forgot about.
Four years ago I moved here to Tally only knowing one awesome person who sadly I am no longer friends with but I hope she is well along with her family and friends. Anyways, I didn't know if I had the courage to move 12 hours away from home but God told me I needed to in order to meet someone. So, I listened and he was right I met HIM and he has changed my entire life. What if now is the time for another change? Could I do it again? Could I be so lucky that God would use me to help grow his kingdom? See this all has nothing to do with me but EVERYTHING to do with HIM! I am just an instrument in his hand, I am willing to do the work and I can only pray he will use me. I knew when I moved here Tally would never be my permanent home but a temporary assignment to accomplish a small piece of the puzzle only God understands.
My story is to be continued...
Four years ago I moved here to Tally only knowing one awesome person who sadly I am no longer friends with but I hope she is well along with her family and friends. Anyways, I didn't know if I had the courage to move 12 hours away from home but God told me I needed to in order to meet someone. So, I listened and he was right I met HIM and he has changed my entire life. What if now is the time for another change? Could I do it again? Could I be so lucky that God would use me to help grow his kingdom? See this all has nothing to do with me but EVERYTHING to do with HIM! I am just an instrument in his hand, I am willing to do the work and I can only pray he will use me. I knew when I moved here Tally would never be my permanent home but a temporary assignment to accomplish a small piece of the puzzle only God understands.
My story is to be continued...
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Time well spent
Wow...this week was great, I started my new job and love it! I worked 3 jobs Friday and had a blast sitting two great kids :) I also got to catch up with a sweet elderly lady who has been such a blessing to me.
Then Saturday I got to spend the day in Destin with my friends celebrating a good friends birthday. We made it back to Tally just in time to head to another party for an awesome guy who was having a birthday too. I felt so blessed to know I have such great friends in my life.
Then Sunday I spent the first service with a dear friend serving in the nursery with six AWESOME babies. I had so much fun! GCTV worship band rocked and PB gave a great message! I was so proud of my friend Sabrenna for sharing her testimony today at church! I love my church and church family especially my small group...a few of us went out to lunch like we always do and today just reminded me why I love these girls so much! We do life together and no matter what we know that none of us is perfect yet we stick together to get through. These women are strong, powerful women of God and I am so proud to call them my sisters in Christ!
Finally...I closed the last chapter on my 3rd and final move of the summer tonight. I am glad to be unpacking at my new place and getting time to spend with my new roomies. Thank you Jesus for saving me and loving me no matter what...you always put me back on track :)
Then Saturday I got to spend the day in Destin with my friends celebrating a good friends birthday. We made it back to Tally just in time to head to another party for an awesome guy who was having a birthday too. I felt so blessed to know I have such great friends in my life.
Then Sunday I spent the first service with a dear friend serving in the nursery with six AWESOME babies. I had so much fun! GCTV worship band rocked and PB gave a great message! I was so proud of my friend Sabrenna for sharing her testimony today at church! I love my church and church family especially my small group...a few of us went out to lunch like we always do and today just reminded me why I love these girls so much! We do life together and no matter what we know that none of us is perfect yet we stick together to get through. These women are strong, powerful women of God and I am so proud to call them my sisters in Christ!
Finally...I closed the last chapter on my 3rd and final move of the summer tonight. I am glad to be unpacking at my new place and getting time to spend with my new roomies. Thank you Jesus for saving me and loving me no matter what...you always put me back on track :)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
My focus must be beyond the pain...
This past week has been exciting, challenging and very eventful. The end of summer has drawn to a close along with a couple of my jobs. I moved into my new place with two of my friends and I start a new job this Monday. God is in control! I see his plans for me unfolding in front of my eyes. The message today at church hit home so hard. Some days for me mean that I spend an hour or two praying before I get out of bed...a lot of the time it is me begging God to give me the strength to stand. I don't openly share my pain with people because I do not want to be judged or for anyone to feel sorry for me so I allow the battle to be a personal one.
I have been in a flare up this week that has caused me to really have to focus on life, simple tasks are not simple but I will NEVER give up. God is with me each step of the way. Here is the key to why today hit me...just like PB, God gave me a vision of working with young women who have been or are in the midst of putting their lives back together. I am to open a home like a transitional house for them. I was given this vision many years ago. I have been losing my grip on this dream and passion God put in my heart because of the chronic pain I am suffering from. Today God worked through PB to light that fire again in my heart to do His work for His kingdom at all costs even those of physical pain.
I feel eternally blessed to know that four years ago this month God opened a door for me to move to Tallahassee where I only knew one person at the time in order to be apart of this amazing movement he is doing at GCTV. My once broken life has been marked with a purpose to reach thousands and I will do that through the book I have been called to write and this home! I am glad I have the church family I do, they are real and transparent! They are just want I need to do this thing we call LIFE!
I have been in a flare up this week that has caused me to really have to focus on life, simple tasks are not simple but I will NEVER give up. God is with me each step of the way. Here is the key to why today hit me...just like PB, God gave me a vision of working with young women who have been or are in the midst of putting their lives back together. I am to open a home like a transitional house for them. I was given this vision many years ago. I have been losing my grip on this dream and passion God put in my heart because of the chronic pain I am suffering from. Today God worked through PB to light that fire again in my heart to do His work for His kingdom at all costs even those of physical pain.
I feel eternally blessed to know that four years ago this month God opened a door for me to move to Tallahassee where I only knew one person at the time in order to be apart of this amazing movement he is doing at GCTV. My once broken life has been marked with a purpose to reach thousands and I will do that through the book I have been called to write and this home! I am glad I have the church family I do, they are real and transparent! They are just want I need to do this thing we call LIFE!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Enough Opinions for one day...
I love everyone and I am respectful to other's when they voice their opinions to me. However, God is the only one who controls my life. I am to the point I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. Some people only speak to me when they need me, what about when I need them? It is hurtful they are no where around! Why do some people only think God leads their lives and they (as man) need to direct other's on how to live. God is the only one who knows his will for our lives and if we are spirit led then he is the one directing our path.
It is no wonder I feel like walking away from EVERYTHING because I am not stupid, man does not direct my life and I don't need other's opinions when God Almighty is in control!
I can't move into new territory by standing still. I must test the waters to know if that is where God wants me and I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for trying to get into His will...isn't that what he calls us to do?
It is no wonder I feel like walking away from EVERYTHING because I am not stupid, man does not direct my life and I don't need other's opinions when God Almighty is in control!
I can't move into new territory by standing still. I must test the waters to know if that is where God wants me and I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for trying to get into His will...isn't that what he calls us to do?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
What if...?
Okay, I originally wrote this blog out on a scratch piece of paper at work on Tuesday. My spirit became grieved all of a sudden to the point I wrote this and went to the bathroom to have a good cry! Then this morning in a "pissy" fit with nothing going my way as I try to leave the apartment I heard this song by Nickelback. It goes perfect with my blog. It made me stop and think about what is important in this life.
What if I lost my life today? What if God called me home? No warning and my time on earth was over. What would the people I leave behind think? What legacy will I leave? Don't get me wrong I want to be here for as long as God needs me to serve on earth. Yet as a Christ follower I realize I live moment to moment and my life is guided and directed by my maker.
I wonder if I go home will my short time on earth have effected anyone? Will the effects be a kingdom one or did I do more harm than good? I love my Lord and Savior more than I can express in words. I whole hearted prayer is that I did not do anything to bring harm to His glorious name and if I did I beg for his forgiveness.
I am not perfect and never will be. I have made mistakes in my life but haven't we all? I hope I'm not judged by them but remembered for the difference I have tried to make as one solider in God's army. Our father has love and mercy flowing from his fingertips to our hearts. I love each and EVERY person no matter who you are and thank YOU for taking the time to read my blog. I pray God will bless your life.
What if I lost my life today? What if God called me home? No warning and my time on earth was over. What would the people I leave behind think? What legacy will I leave? Don't get me wrong I want to be here for as long as God needs me to serve on earth. Yet as a Christ follower I realize I live moment to moment and my life is guided and directed by my maker.
I wonder if I go home will my short time on earth have effected anyone? Will the effects be a kingdom one or did I do more harm than good? I love my Lord and Savior more than I can express in words. I whole hearted prayer is that I did not do anything to bring harm to His glorious name and if I did I beg for his forgiveness.
I am not perfect and never will be. I have made mistakes in my life but haven't we all? I hope I'm not judged by them but remembered for the difference I have tried to make as one solider in God's army. Our father has love and mercy flowing from his fingertips to our hearts. I love each and EVERY person no matter who you are and thank YOU for taking the time to read my blog. I pray God will bless your life.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Somebody said a Prayer
This morning after a restless night of praying and feeling a spiritual battle going on this song came on TV. I normally do not have the TV on but I decided to flip it on to help motivate me to get ready. This song captured my attention. The words really hit me, see I have a heart for prayer...in my younger years of bullying and abuse I suffered over time the only thing I had was prayer. Back then I wasn't a Christ follower but somewhere along the way I learned to pray and it never left me.
I love the part where he says...somebody said a prayer, somebody had some faith, somebody hit their knees for Heaven sakes
This should always be our first repsonse to life. I am striving daily to make sure when my life is messing up that I go to God first instead of complaining or running to a friend. God is my sole provider. :)
I love the part where he says...somebody said a prayer, somebody had some faith, somebody hit their knees for Heaven sakes
This should always be our first repsonse to life. I am striving daily to make sure when my life is messing up that I go to God first instead of complaining or running to a friend. God is my sole provider. :)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
12 hours for the Lord
Today started at 2:53 a.m. when God woke me up. It was like a snapping of fingers sound that awoke me...all I could hear in my spirit was "It's done, It's done". God gave me my part of the message for tonight's Sold Out service for the youth. I am praying, seeking and expecting God to do AMAZING things at our Freedom Reigns service next week. This generation has so much coming at them and they need Jesus! The addictions and bondage they are in have them wrapped so tight they can barely breathe. They need Jesus to breathe life into them so they can shine as lights in the darkness and face this world.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Mission, A Vision, A Call...
Sold Out! God is so amazing, I am witnessing walls coming down by the Glory of the Lord. We seek His face, plan, research, listen, fast and pray! Let Your Kingdom come, Your Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. We cry out to the Lord, we need You and Your presence to change this generation.
Few chose the narrow path just as few responded to answer the call to change a generation desparetly seeking your face, hope and change! God will bless us and the work done, we sacrifice to show God's love and serve those put in our care.
God your glory will shine!!!
I love you Jesus!!!
Few chose the narrow path just as few responded to answer the call to change a generation desparetly seeking your face, hope and change! God will bless us and the work done, we sacrifice to show God's love and serve those put in our care.
God your glory will shine!!!
I love you Jesus!!!
A life lost with a legacy that will live forever
Yesterday I attended a funeral of a woman who touched many people's lives. The preacher reminded us that in life we all make choices that may not be the right ones but our lives should be remembered for all we did not those mistakes.
The man who lost his wife spoke and through the tears reminded all of us to love each other unconditionally. Never get lazy or let pride get in the way! It made me realize God allows each of our lives cross paths regardless of whether we know why in the moment or not.
Show God's love every chance you get even if it is to a stranger. We are ALL God's children and he wants to see each of us in Heaven with them when the end comes!
The man who lost his wife spoke and through the tears reminded all of us to love each other unconditionally. Never get lazy or let pride get in the way! It made me realize God allows each of our lives cross paths regardless of whether we know why in the moment or not.
Show God's love every chance you get even if it is to a stranger. We are ALL God's children and he wants to see each of us in Heaven with them when the end comes!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sold Out kicked off a success
Praise God!!! I have been fighting many issues including a variety of health issues all week. The enemy has tried to stop me from fulfilling the vision God gave me to lead a believer's service for Diverge. The vision/plan started to unfold 9 months ago and God has given me pieces of the big picture over these 9 months. The last Sunday in May God put it all together to give me his plan for the summer. We had four students and five sponsors here and the Spirit of God fell upon us like a shower! It started a movement :) and I look forward to what the summer holds!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
NYC changed me FOREVER!!!!!
Amazing to think that a month ago I was heading to NYC. I went on the best mission trip ever. I can't wait for next year. It blows my mind to know there is over 100,000 homeless people in NYC. Urban missions is important and was an eye opening experience. So many of us get caught up in our every day lives that we lose focus on those who are lost, broken and dying in this world. God has called us to take care of those who are less fortunate. I learned that some of these homeless people because victims of circumstance and life. Most of them were not homeless by chose and lost EVERYTHING including their kids.
Can you imagine waking up one day and losing everything? One lady I met got sick went into the hospital for a month, came home and her apartment building had burned down. She lost everything she had EXCEPT the joy of the Lord that lives in her heart :) Praise God for Mary!!!
God showed me right after I lost my job in January and I heard about this trip that I had to go. As I questioned God on why, she showed me he was sending me someone who needed to hear my testimony. God sent her as one of the last clients we did a beauty treatment for the day we went to the Homeless Women's Shelter. The moment I looked into her eyes I knew she was the one God showed me 4 months prior that I would meet...Praise an awesome God because I needed to meet her as much as she may have needed to meet me! :)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
One chapter closes and another begins
Victory Garden is now just a memory, my move was finalized today at 6:43pm. I do have to admit I shed a tear while praising God for all the victories I received while living there. Today's message at church matched up with why I am so happy the past is yesterday and today is today :) God is good and has changed my life so much. I am excited to see how the next season goes. There are lots of things on the horizon and God has shown me to be faithful, patient and work hard at the tasks at hand. The future is a blessing from my Father. Thank you God, I love you!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
A God message in an ungodly place
I went to see the movie Fighting and it was awesome. God can appear where you least expect it. The main character his honest, kind to those less fortunate and never gives up hope. He doesn't want to fight unless he has to. The world is against him and he wants the world. He battles his past while he struggles to keep going in the present moment and fights for the future. There are several times when he realizes those closest to him are against him.
This movie reminds me of good versus evil. The biggest person doesn't mean they are the best. The underdog can win! Take a chance and fight for your dreams. Remember, when you are following the Lord you will always have a spiritual battle taking place.
This movie reminds me of good versus evil. The biggest person doesn't mean they are the best. The underdog can win! Take a chance and fight for your dreams. Remember, when you are following the Lord you will always have a spiritual battle taking place.
18 days of habitation - God's glory will shine through it all
I posted my last blog on Easter after an amazing service. The following day marked a Day of Evil, a time of spiritual warfare. If you have never been through a time period where you felt like you were fighting for your life then please take a moment to thank God! I knew that day I needed to stop, re-group, prepare and retreat to deal with what was coming. The funny thing is we can never really prepare for the future when we don't know what is coming. However, we can trust that our season is in God's hand.
I knew I only had 5 days after Easter to get my cats and myself ready for a trip back to Virginia. My kitties were going to new homes and I was taking some stuff back home to store while I am in this transitional phase of my life. I felt this huge weight deposited on my heart and mind that whole week. I couldn't put my finger on why. That whole week brought new issues arising with the youth and things they are dealing with. The more I talked to these kids the more I knew my "secret" victories in God would become known. What is kept in secret can not show God's glory if no one knows what he has done for us. WHY DO PEOPLE NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR PASTS OR HOW GOD HAS SAVED THEM? I feel there is a time and place for each of us. Yet, if you don't share it then aren't you being unjust to our God who showed you love, mercy, forgiveness and kindness to save you??? I try to be an open book with most of my life because I am so thankful for what I have been saved from.
So, I headed to Virginia on the 17th and here is the run down of what happen :)
Saturday - My 12 hour drive took 15 1/2 hours in the car with 2 cats (one who cried for 6 hours straight) then I cried for 5 hours straight - my heart was so heavy and all that was running through my mind was my concern for this generation and what they are dealing with. Also, PMSing didn't help my emotions!
Sunday - I spend the afternoon/evening with my youngest brother. We went up to his property which is right beside my dad's old place. My dad died 10 years ago this year and I hadn't been back there since the day of his funeral. All the memories flooded back in an instant. I became overwhelmed! Then during our chit chat I find out someone I cared for was killed years ago and I never was told. It still makes no sense to me how I never knew. I guess we all assume people's lives continue even when we don't talk to them but in this case that didn't happen :(
Monday - I went and had dinner with my other brother and his family. It was so nice because I felt so connected to his wife. She lost her mom last Thanksgiving day to a rare form of cancer. They told her in May of last year she would have 6 months to live and there was no cure. Her mom was so full of life and a blessing to have known. My brother and I started talking about childhood which during my teenage years was the worst part of my life. My dad walked out on our family when I was 13 yrs old and it sent me into a tail spin.
Tuesday - I was reminded as I took my second cat to her new home an hour away in the country that there are still places where times stands still. It was the kinda place my dad always talked about us moving to when we were grown. My last memories are of him building a natural spring from the mountain, plowing the land, all the stuff you do on a farm to become self-sufficient. He died before his dream ever came true.
Wednesday - I had lunch with my step-dad and it was well needed. I wanted to clear the air that I don't hate him. He and my mom divorced last year. He almost died a year ago, he had like 3 open heart surgeries in a months time. They kept him in a medically induced coma for 2-3 weeks to ensure the infection cleared up that had developed around his heart. I can't imagine laying on a hospital bed in a coma, not knowing what is going on and your chest being opened. They wouldn't sew him up until they knew he was ok. It was odd talking to him about generational things and how so much "junk" is passed down in families not just medically but spiritually too.
Thursday - I felt sick and overwhelmed so I rested all day.
Friday - I had to deal with one of my least favorite people in the world. As she mocked my faith, my music and my life. I stood firm on God's Word and showed her love and mercy with a smile. I bit my tongue A LOT!!!!
Saturday - One of my loved ones kicked a meth habit a couple years ago after it almost took his life. I knew he was strong and praise God he did it. Yet today I found something disturbing that reminded me how quickly a person can fall. How fast a life can be lost if they are not around the right people. After talking to him, I found out that what I found was not his and not as serious as what I first thought. My discernment was right but it was a harsh reminder about life! Later that night I went out to eat and ran into some childhood friends. I was sadly reminded how their lives changed when someone they loved took their life. She left behind kids and family that will never be the same. My heart just breaks to know that teens are using suicide as a way out of their lives. I want them to know there is hope in Jesus!
Sunday - I had to face the fact that my time at home was coming to an end. Of course, what says end of trip like a medical scare? We received a call that my 7 year old nephew was rushed to the ER after the people taking care of him accidentally doubled his meds. He had to be given additional meds to counteract what was in his system. Since my nephew is autistic they couldn't pump his stomach because he is very prone to seizures. The thought of losing him about killed me! It is so hard to know he can't communicate with anyone, his language is all his own. All I can do is know that he is in God's hands.
There were a few more thing that happen to me and issues that arose but for time sake you get the point. Now I ask with all that who wouldn't admit to having a bad week? I'm not perfect and need God's help as much as the next person. Occationally, I even need a break. I go about a 100 miles a minute and sometimes it catches up with me!
As I return to the blogging world tonight I am reminded of what I had to press through to get to where I am right now. The enemy pulled every possible trick to get me to stay home and not go to my Beth Moore study group but I knew God had something in store for me. On my way there I heard on the radio that God uses the people we are trying to reach to reach us. YES, that statement is so true!!!
During the study, Beth Moore reminded us of a few things:
- Job was tested and had faith in God even though he did not know the spiritual battle that was taking place. He trusted God and when things got bad he worshiped him.
- Peter had to have his life "sifted". God doesn't want us to keep suppressing our past mistakes, fear or hurts. He wants us to lay them at his feet so he can deal with them. We must trust God. He is after us to purify us. Have you allowed God to "sift" your life? If not, you may be giving the enemy a foothold.
- Authenticity comes through trials. Jesus is our rock and our foundation must be build upon him not our garbage from the past.
I realized tonight that I have spend a lot of time with God and I will continue to strive for growth. Sometimes that means I will have to go through times that are uncomfortable. I must hold on and know he is in control even when everything seems out of control. God came to heal us and if we confess our estate, he will restore it. I realized that my past hurts and life issues I have been apart of or know about has shaped me in one way or another...now I have to allow God's Glory to shine through. Each time God gives me the chance to reveal how his love and mercy has changed my life then his glory is shining through and the Kingdom of Heaven is being enlarged!
I knew I only had 5 days after Easter to get my cats and myself ready for a trip back to Virginia. My kitties were going to new homes and I was taking some stuff back home to store while I am in this transitional phase of my life. I felt this huge weight deposited on my heart and mind that whole week. I couldn't put my finger on why. That whole week brought new issues arising with the youth and things they are dealing with. The more I talked to these kids the more I knew my "secret" victories in God would become known. What is kept in secret can not show God's glory if no one knows what he has done for us. WHY DO PEOPLE NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR PASTS OR HOW GOD HAS SAVED THEM? I feel there is a time and place for each of us. Yet, if you don't share it then aren't you being unjust to our God who showed you love, mercy, forgiveness and kindness to save you??? I try to be an open book with most of my life because I am so thankful for what I have been saved from.
So, I headed to Virginia on the 17th and here is the run down of what happen :)
Saturday - My 12 hour drive took 15 1/2 hours in the car with 2 cats (one who cried for 6 hours straight) then I cried for 5 hours straight - my heart was so heavy and all that was running through my mind was my concern for this generation and what they are dealing with. Also, PMSing didn't help my emotions!
Sunday - I spend the afternoon/evening with my youngest brother. We went up to his property which is right beside my dad's old place. My dad died 10 years ago this year and I hadn't been back there since the day of his funeral. All the memories flooded back in an instant. I became overwhelmed! Then during our chit chat I find out someone I cared for was killed years ago and I never was told. It still makes no sense to me how I never knew. I guess we all assume people's lives continue even when we don't talk to them but in this case that didn't happen :(
Monday - I went and had dinner with my other brother and his family. It was so nice because I felt so connected to his wife. She lost her mom last Thanksgiving day to a rare form of cancer. They told her in May of last year she would have 6 months to live and there was no cure. Her mom was so full of life and a blessing to have known. My brother and I started talking about childhood which during my teenage years was the worst part of my life. My dad walked out on our family when I was 13 yrs old and it sent me into a tail spin.
Tuesday - I was reminded as I took my second cat to her new home an hour away in the country that there are still places where times stands still. It was the kinda place my dad always talked about us moving to when we were grown. My last memories are of him building a natural spring from the mountain, plowing the land, all the stuff you do on a farm to become self-sufficient. He died before his dream ever came true.
Wednesday - I had lunch with my step-dad and it was well needed. I wanted to clear the air that I don't hate him. He and my mom divorced last year. He almost died a year ago, he had like 3 open heart surgeries in a months time. They kept him in a medically induced coma for 2-3 weeks to ensure the infection cleared up that had developed around his heart. I can't imagine laying on a hospital bed in a coma, not knowing what is going on and your chest being opened. They wouldn't sew him up until they knew he was ok. It was odd talking to him about generational things and how so much "junk" is passed down in families not just medically but spiritually too.
Thursday - I felt sick and overwhelmed so I rested all day.
Friday - I had to deal with one of my least favorite people in the world. As she mocked my faith, my music and my life. I stood firm on God's Word and showed her love and mercy with a smile. I bit my tongue A LOT!!!!
Saturday - One of my loved ones kicked a meth habit a couple years ago after it almost took his life. I knew he was strong and praise God he did it. Yet today I found something disturbing that reminded me how quickly a person can fall. How fast a life can be lost if they are not around the right people. After talking to him, I found out that what I found was not his and not as serious as what I first thought. My discernment was right but it was a harsh reminder about life! Later that night I went out to eat and ran into some childhood friends. I was sadly reminded how their lives changed when someone they loved took their life. She left behind kids and family that will never be the same. My heart just breaks to know that teens are using suicide as a way out of their lives. I want them to know there is hope in Jesus!
Sunday - I had to face the fact that my time at home was coming to an end. Of course, what says end of trip like a medical scare? We received a call that my 7 year old nephew was rushed to the ER after the people taking care of him accidentally doubled his meds. He had to be given additional meds to counteract what was in his system. Since my nephew is autistic they couldn't pump his stomach because he is very prone to seizures. The thought of losing him about killed me! It is so hard to know he can't communicate with anyone, his language is all his own. All I can do is know that he is in God's hands.
There were a few more thing that happen to me and issues that arose but for time sake you get the point. Now I ask with all that who wouldn't admit to having a bad week? I'm not perfect and need God's help as much as the next person. Occationally, I even need a break. I go about a 100 miles a minute and sometimes it catches up with me!
As I return to the blogging world tonight I am reminded of what I had to press through to get to where I am right now. The enemy pulled every possible trick to get me to stay home and not go to my Beth Moore study group but I knew God had something in store for me. On my way there I heard on the radio that God uses the people we are trying to reach to reach us. YES, that statement is so true!!!
During the study, Beth Moore reminded us of a few things:
- Job was tested and had faith in God even though he did not know the spiritual battle that was taking place. He trusted God and when things got bad he worshiped him.
- Peter had to have his life "sifted". God doesn't want us to keep suppressing our past mistakes, fear or hurts. He wants us to lay them at his feet so he can deal with them. We must trust God. He is after us to purify us. Have you allowed God to "sift" your life? If not, you may be giving the enemy a foothold.
- Authenticity comes through trials. Jesus is our rock and our foundation must be build upon him not our garbage from the past.
I realized tonight that I have spend a lot of time with God and I will continue to strive for growth. Sometimes that means I will have to go through times that are uncomfortable. I must hold on and know he is in control even when everything seems out of control. God came to heal us and if we confess our estate, he will restore it. I realized that my past hurts and life issues I have been apart of or know about has shaped me in one way or another...now I have to allow God's Glory to shine through. Each time God gives me the chance to reveal how his love and mercy has changed my life then his glory is shining through and the Kingdom of Heaven is being enlarged!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easter was the BEST sermon I have EVER heard in my life!!!!
Today was amazing from the get go! I woke up earlier to get to church to help with last minute details. I met up with my dear friends for a quick hello and some chit chat before rushing off to nursery for the first and second service. When I got to the third service I was ready for a break :) I love the babies and teens, they are my heart and soul but I was ready for some worship time with God.
I felt like the message was going to be the normal Easter message. Don't get me wrong I would gladly hear it anytime yet I felt like I needed something different today. Then PB started talking about what it is like to give your life to God and he had my attention! See I invited God into my heart in May 2006 and he started chipping away things in my little by little. Then on November 5th, 2008 after months even years of thing building in my life, God set me at a crossroads. The choice was to keep going on the broken road leading nowhere or surrender my life to Jesus for a change!
I decided that afternoon the time had come to give up everything to God. Now don't think it was that easy, following God is not always a feel good feeling but it is the narrow path few choice to take in life. The reward is not here on earth, you will receive it in Heaven.
PB reminded us today that the world (enemy) is trying to make Jesus small in our lives. We can't make Jesus fit in whenever we want, he needs to be in control of our lives! When we truly come to Jesus our hearts change. I can confirm that is true. Those jokes or movies that seemed funny don't anymore...they disturb my spirit because they are wrong. People who lie, cheat, steal and hurt others with their words don't need to be apart of my life. I will love them like Jesus but he instructs us not to live life with them or you will become one of them. I do not have to tolerate their lifestyle if it causes my spiritual growth to be hindered. God doesn't want those people to take us away from him! We should always be growing towards God, change is the only thing constant in life! If you rebuke change them you become stale to God and the world he wants you to change!
When you release control you will become a new creation with new motivation, new thinking, new desires, a new world view...everything will change. God will change it all so he can use you and work through you to reach others. Some people will come into your life a friends and leave as strangers. God knows the bigger picture on why they played a role in your life even when the pain you have won't allow you to see it. We aren't to question God just trust him!
Jesus had to become big to me since I believe in a big God and have BIG dreams that only he can help me achieve. He is the creator of all, he lived perfectly and died brutually for me and you! We are called to live big but that doesn't mean lots or big material items in your life.
PB mentioned a few things you may have to surrender when you give everything in your life to God. Let me list a few of them and where I currently stand with those areas:
1 - He mentioned you might lose relationships (friends) - YUP! Lost those but within 3 days (a trinity sign?) God blessed me with an amazing core group of friends. Each person has introduced me to more people and I can't even tell you how many I call friends now.
2 - You might lose your job/finances hit - YUP! Lost my job 3 months ago and finances have taken a hit. I have 2 current positions lining up in the next month or so. I will be doing things I love in life and investing in God's kingdom. I am hoping another trinity example happens and the 3rd job I get will be enough to cover my living expenses. While I wait for God's plan to unroll I don't waste my time. I give it all to God, I volunteer at church, Diverge student ministries, with friends, in my community and mentor at 2nd Chance High School. Anything needed I give...it is all for God.
3 - My 10 year plan - YUP! That went out the window a long time ago and mainly because it was MINE and not HIS!
4 - Stuff - YUP! I am selling and downsizing!
LOL - want a few more areas he didn't mention you might lose?
5 - My church - I changed campus' then we merged many months ago - what God takes he gives back if it is his will. I was given back an amazing gift!
6 - My apartment - YUP! I am being blessed with some opportunities to come - further details to follow.
7 - My cats - YUP! Even though PB may occassionally run over a cat I have to find new homes for my babies. I am at peace with this since I know it is what God wants.
8 - One of my ministries - YUP! However, I found I was blessed to get more involved in a ministry that has captured my heart and able to join one that blesses me beyond belief each week.
Remember, God demands it all. Anything/anyone you are not willing to give to God he will take away. Those who have not surrendered to God will mock you and pound you down (trust me I know!) but never give up! The battle is God's not our own and he will have vengenance on those who attack his people. I take comfort in knowing God's punishment is worse than anything I could ever do or say to someone.
CONCLUSION: Today's message confirmed that the journey started 150 days ago has been wild, crazy, sad, fun, happy, joyous, scary and so much more! I don't know what each day holds but I know who holds it in his hands....JESUS!
I felt like the message was going to be the normal Easter message. Don't get me wrong I would gladly hear it anytime yet I felt like I needed something different today. Then PB started talking about what it is like to give your life to God and he had my attention! See I invited God into my heart in May 2006 and he started chipping away things in my little by little. Then on November 5th, 2008 after months even years of thing building in my life, God set me at a crossroads. The choice was to keep going on the broken road leading nowhere or surrender my life to Jesus for a change!
I decided that afternoon the time had come to give up everything to God. Now don't think it was that easy, following God is not always a feel good feeling but it is the narrow path few choice to take in life. The reward is not here on earth, you will receive it in Heaven.
PB reminded us today that the world (enemy) is trying to make Jesus small in our lives. We can't make Jesus fit in whenever we want, he needs to be in control of our lives! When we truly come to Jesus our hearts change. I can confirm that is true. Those jokes or movies that seemed funny don't anymore...they disturb my spirit because they are wrong. People who lie, cheat, steal and hurt others with their words don't need to be apart of my life. I will love them like Jesus but he instructs us not to live life with them or you will become one of them. I do not have to tolerate their lifestyle if it causes my spiritual growth to be hindered. God doesn't want those people to take us away from him! We should always be growing towards God, change is the only thing constant in life! If you rebuke change them you become stale to God and the world he wants you to change!
When you release control you will become a new creation with new motivation, new thinking, new desires, a new world view...everything will change. God will change it all so he can use you and work through you to reach others. Some people will come into your life a friends and leave as strangers. God knows the bigger picture on why they played a role in your life even when the pain you have won't allow you to see it. We aren't to question God just trust him!
Jesus had to become big to me since I believe in a big God and have BIG dreams that only he can help me achieve. He is the creator of all, he lived perfectly and died brutually for me and you! We are called to live big but that doesn't mean lots or big material items in your life.
PB mentioned a few things you may have to surrender when you give everything in your life to God. Let me list a few of them and where I currently stand with those areas:
1 - He mentioned you might lose relationships (friends) - YUP! Lost those but within 3 days (a trinity sign?) God blessed me with an amazing core group of friends. Each person has introduced me to more people and I can't even tell you how many I call friends now.
2 - You might lose your job/finances hit - YUP! Lost my job 3 months ago and finances have taken a hit. I have 2 current positions lining up in the next month or so. I will be doing things I love in life and investing in God's kingdom. I am hoping another trinity example happens and the 3rd job I get will be enough to cover my living expenses. While I wait for God's plan to unroll I don't waste my time. I give it all to God, I volunteer at church, Diverge student ministries, with friends, in my community and mentor at 2nd Chance High School. Anything needed I give...it is all for God.
3 - My 10 year plan - YUP! That went out the window a long time ago and mainly because it was MINE and not HIS!
4 - Stuff - YUP! I am selling and downsizing!
LOL - want a few more areas he didn't mention you might lose?
5 - My church - I changed campus' then we merged many months ago - what God takes he gives back if it is his will. I was given back an amazing gift!
6 - My apartment - YUP! I am being blessed with some opportunities to come - further details to follow.
7 - My cats - YUP! Even though PB may occassionally run over a cat I have to find new homes for my babies. I am at peace with this since I know it is what God wants.
8 - One of my ministries - YUP! However, I found I was blessed to get more involved in a ministry that has captured my heart and able to join one that blesses me beyond belief each week.
Remember, God demands it all. Anything/anyone you are not willing to give to God he will take away. Those who have not surrendered to God will mock you and pound you down (trust me I know!) but never give up! The battle is God's not our own and he will have vengenance on those who attack his people. I take comfort in knowing God's punishment is worse than anything I could ever do or say to someone.
CONCLUSION: Today's message confirmed that the journey started 150 days ago has been wild, crazy, sad, fun, happy, joyous, scary and so much more! I don't know what each day holds but I know who holds it in his hands....JESUS!
Friday, April 10, 2009
A lesson in life not a life lesson!
I believe God can use anything on the face of this earth to speak to us. Last night, I had one of those moments in a movie theatre. I know it sounds odd but there was this one part in Fast & Furious 4 where I felt time stand still. Since God is an awesome God and knows my love for Vin Diesel he let the stand still moment be when it was just him with that tough look on his face.
In that moment, I felt like I understood Vin Diesel's personality. In most of his roles he is the silent yet powerful character. He always says few words but the ones he speaks are powerful.
God tells us to use our words wisely and not to foolishly speak. I started studying scripture this morning and found a few I want to share.
Many useless words cause sin - Proverbs 10:19 (NIV) "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
Words can either hurt or heal (what will you chose?) Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
No sinner is better than another - no one but God should judge others Job 19 (NIV) "Then Job replied: 2 "How long will you torment me and crush me with words? 3 Ten times now you have reproached me; shamelessly you attack me. 4 If it is true that I have gone astray, my error remains my concern alone. 5 If indeed you would exalt yourselves above me and use my humiliation against me, "
Listening and Doing - James 1:19-20 (NIV)"19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."
Advice for life - Proverbs 16:17-33 (NIV) "17 The highway of the upright avoids evil; he who guards his way guards his life. 18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. 19 Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud. 20 Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD. 21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. [a] 22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools. 23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. [b] 24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. 25 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. 26 The laborer's appetite works for him; his hunger drives him on. 27 A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. 28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. 29 A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good. 30 He who winks with his eye is plotting perversity; he who purses his lips is bent on evil. 31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life. 32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. 33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD."
In that moment, I felt like I understood Vin Diesel's personality. In most of his roles he is the silent yet powerful character. He always says few words but the ones he speaks are powerful.
God tells us to use our words wisely and not to foolishly speak. I started studying scripture this morning and found a few I want to share.
Many useless words cause sin - Proverbs 10:19 (NIV) "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
Words can either hurt or heal (what will you chose?) Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
No sinner is better than another - no one but God should judge others Job 19 (NIV) "Then Job replied: 2 "How long will you torment me and crush me with words? 3 Ten times now you have reproached me; shamelessly you attack me. 4 If it is true that I have gone astray, my error remains my concern alone. 5 If indeed you would exalt yourselves above me and use my humiliation against me, "
Listening and Doing - James 1:19-20 (NIV)"19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."
Advice for life - Proverbs 16:17-33 (NIV) "17 The highway of the upright avoids evil; he who guards his way guards his life. 18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. 19 Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud. 20 Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD. 21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. [a] 22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools. 23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. [b] 24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. 25 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. 26 The laborer's appetite works for him; his hunger drives him on. 27 A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. 28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. 29 A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good. 30 He who winks with his eye is plotting perversity; he who purses his lips is bent on evil. 31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life. 32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. 33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD."
Thursday, April 9, 2009
WOW...I think Vin Diesel is the hottest!
Here is my review of Fast & Furious 4...GO SEE IT!!!!! Not only are their hot guys but totally an adrenaline rush!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Things go wrong & God shows up :)
ALL I CAN SAY IS OMG!!!!! Yesterday was the CRAZ-E-IST day EVER!!!!! I feel like I saw God moving, the enemy tries to destroy and then God's victory shining through....all in an 8 hour time frame.
So, on Tuesdays I volunteer at church to help Lance get ready for Diverge that night. Yesterday started bad with only 4 hours sleep but I didn't let that stop me. Then my finances took a hit but I didn't let that stop me. I have never felt so unorganized in my life. It was so bad I almost couldn't think and anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a planner and on top of everything (or at least try). I make it to church 30 minutes late and find out another sponsor is feeling the attack on her too :(
The stories of how the enemy was attacking kept coming in from sponsor to sponsor on what had gone wrong. We had a kitchen fire to start off the night, mic and audio problems, computer/tv issues, some kids had very heavy hearts because of life issues...the mood was a chaotic peace and one of battle. We knew what had to be done and we all pulled together to make it happen. I have never felt so proud to be on a team as I did last night! We are all soldiers in God's army!
I feel the reason he was trying to throw us off our game is because we started a new series in Diverge last night, "Jesus is my homeboy". This message was about the Crucifixion, Jesus' blood shed, the beating he took, his skin being ripped from his body, the fact he had to carry his cross on his wounded back, the crown of thorns placed on his head, his beard being pulled out and being spit on as a show of disrespect, etc.
The world has allowed Jesus' death on the cross to become a simple statement. In the movies like Talladega Nights and television shows like South Park they make fun of his story. We should have an anger that rises up in us as Christ followers when we hear people demoralizing our Savior! He died a brutal death for us and our sins. HOWEVER, his story didn't end there.
Easter isn't a holiday about a fuzzy bunny giving out candy. It is about Christ's resurrection, it is an Easter story about how he rose! He is alive and when we invite him in he lives in us. In our free will we can chose to live for him and make him known.
During worship at Diverge, I looked around the room to our future. These students are in need of leaders, those who are not perfect. They need to love God, to know him and understand what it is like to mess up and need his mercy and grace. These students can see through hypocrites, they want what is true and real. They need love, some don't get that in their homes. Many need someone to talk to because they have no one. I see every face and know God has a purpose for each one of them.
God loves them all no matter where they are at and he teaches us to love them right there where they are at in life. Don't condemn them just love them, help them! I also see the faces of children who will rise up as worship leaders, preachers, children workers, etc. I see God working on them and through them to reach others. These students love God with all their hearts and seek him with all they are...they have that childlike faith the bible talks about. I feel blessed beyond belief and any words I can find that God has trusted me to help disciple this generation to win more people to Christ. Thank you God :)
So, on Tuesdays I volunteer at church to help Lance get ready for Diverge that night. Yesterday started bad with only 4 hours sleep but I didn't let that stop me. Then my finances took a hit but I didn't let that stop me. I have never felt so unorganized in my life. It was so bad I almost couldn't think and anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a planner and on top of everything (or at least try). I make it to church 30 minutes late and find out another sponsor is feeling the attack on her too :(
The stories of how the enemy was attacking kept coming in from sponsor to sponsor on what had gone wrong. We had a kitchen fire to start off the night, mic and audio problems, computer/tv issues, some kids had very heavy hearts because of life issues...the mood was a chaotic peace and one of battle. We knew what had to be done and we all pulled together to make it happen. I have never felt so proud to be on a team as I did last night! We are all soldiers in God's army!
I feel the reason he was trying to throw us off our game is because we started a new series in Diverge last night, "Jesus is my homeboy". This message was about the Crucifixion, Jesus' blood shed, the beating he took, his skin being ripped from his body, the fact he had to carry his cross on his wounded back, the crown of thorns placed on his head, his beard being pulled out and being spit on as a show of disrespect, etc.
The world has allowed Jesus' death on the cross to become a simple statement. In the movies like Talladega Nights and television shows like South Park they make fun of his story. We should have an anger that rises up in us as Christ followers when we hear people demoralizing our Savior! He died a brutal death for us and our sins. HOWEVER, his story didn't end there.
Easter isn't a holiday about a fuzzy bunny giving out candy. It is about Christ's resurrection, it is an Easter story about how he rose! He is alive and when we invite him in he lives in us. In our free will we can chose to live for him and make him known.
During worship at Diverge, I looked around the room to our future. These students are in need of leaders, those who are not perfect. They need to love God, to know him and understand what it is like to mess up and need his mercy and grace. These students can see through hypocrites, they want what is true and real. They need love, some don't get that in their homes. Many need someone to talk to because they have no one. I see every face and know God has a purpose for each one of them.
God loves them all no matter where they are at and he teaches us to love them right there where they are at in life. Don't condemn them just love them, help them! I also see the faces of children who will rise up as worship leaders, preachers, children workers, etc. I see God working on them and through them to reach others. These students love God with all their hearts and seek him with all they are...they have that childlike faith the bible talks about. I feel blessed beyond belief and any words I can find that God has trusted me to help disciple this generation to win more people to Christ. Thank you God :)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Think before you speak....PLEASE
I just need to get this off my chest. In the past two days I have had two very dear friends come to me and express their hurt. Not everyone has a filter on their mouths. Please if you have a diarrhea mouth, take something before you speak! It is not fair to hurt others because you have a flaw of being kind! Remember we are all human and have feelings! Thanks!!!!
I got it :)
Okay, this blog has been on my heart for weeks now but I just keep writing notes on tons of little pieces of paper. Today I looked in my phone and I had like 5 voice memos with notes. Then there was Sunday's message, small group's lesson tonight and with Easter this Sunday. I have taken the hint it is time :) For real, I just need to write it!
About a month ago I went to Alabama with a friend to OneThing09. It was one of the most amazing worship events I have ever been to. Since then my worship has intensified and I don't care what others think. I hold up my hands, I sing my heart out...it is all about God and I'm not ashamed of him!
They were practically giving away TONS of worship cds and I got this one. This whole cd is about worshiping God NOT just singing a cute little song. It is all about heart quenching, deep worship to the God of creation.
Take a listen...
Misty Edwards from IHOP - Kansas City (I hope to one day go there and maybe even do a 3 month internship - God willing)
The words grip you...
- He isn't a baby in a manger anymore, he isn't a broken man on a cross anymore, he didn't stay in the grave and he isn't staying in Heaven forever. People get ready Jesus is coming!
- He has been silent like the lamb that was slaughtered. You thought he was all together like you. He will not be silent anymore. Don't believe the liars. He is real and he is coming back.
Here is what has been on my heart since this conference:
People say they live their life for Christ, they believe in God, they pray and go to church. Yet, who do they live for? Cause they are walking around with big pride saying "I'm not gonna forgive people" "I'm not gonna serve" "I'm not gonna tithe (which is 10% of your income not what you have left over in your pocket)it is MINE" "I have a right to feel the way I feel". God gave us all free will to live for him and make the choice for him.
This song is so true about people with their fingers in their ears saying "la-da-da la-da-da, I don't wanna hear the sound of the king." There are people who think they are bigger and better than Christ and they are not! God is going to say "I didn't know you" and those people will be cast into the lake of fire, the pit of hell. If we do not know him and are not serving him then what are you doing? Are you playing church? If you are that is a dangerous game to play.
So, the choice is yours...who do you live for? Live for yourself, your pride, greed, money or jealousy? OR Live for God, the one who loves, understands, offers peace, a God of compassion to take care of others. Life is a choice, we each get to choose. Which road do you choose to take? Will your life change in this moment or will you continue to live for yourself? We all stray and fall away but God's love, mercy and grace is for EVERYONE who walks the face of this earth! Pick up your cross, bear it, fix what has been broken, give it to God and leave it at his feet to be reconciled.
What part of your life do you not trust to give to Jesus? He has proved he is trustworthy from the manger to the cross to the grave. He would do anything for us, after all he gave his life so we could live! We can never repay him because the cost was too high. We all were bought by the blood of the lamb! He was the perfect sacrifice. All he asks of us is to know him and make him known. Share the genuine love of Jesus with this lost and broken world. We are not to be hypocrites, how can you expect forgiveness if you don't offer it in return? We must stop being fake and phony, God is real and we are all destined with a purpose. We are to love people where they are at and serve God, love him, adore him, worship him. He is our father and Savior...he is worthy of all we have to offer!
About a month ago I went to Alabama with a friend to OneThing09. It was one of the most amazing worship events I have ever been to. Since then my worship has intensified and I don't care what others think. I hold up my hands, I sing my heart out...it is all about God and I'm not ashamed of him!
They were practically giving away TONS of worship cds and I got this one. This whole cd is about worshiping God NOT just singing a cute little song. It is all about heart quenching, deep worship to the God of creation.
Take a listen...
Misty Edwards from IHOP - Kansas City (I hope to one day go there and maybe even do a 3 month internship - God willing)
The words grip you...
- He isn't a baby in a manger anymore, he isn't a broken man on a cross anymore, he didn't stay in the grave and he isn't staying in Heaven forever. People get ready Jesus is coming!
- He has been silent like the lamb that was slaughtered. You thought he was all together like you. He will not be silent anymore. Don't believe the liars. He is real and he is coming back.
Here is what has been on my heart since this conference:
People say they live their life for Christ, they believe in God, they pray and go to church. Yet, who do they live for? Cause they are walking around with big pride saying "I'm not gonna forgive people" "I'm not gonna serve" "I'm not gonna tithe (which is 10% of your income not what you have left over in your pocket)it is MINE" "I have a right to feel the way I feel". God gave us all free will to live for him and make the choice for him.
This song is so true about people with their fingers in their ears saying "la-da-da la-da-da, I don't wanna hear the sound of the king." There are people who think they are bigger and better than Christ and they are not! God is going to say "I didn't know you" and those people will be cast into the lake of fire, the pit of hell. If we do not know him and are not serving him then what are you doing? Are you playing church? If you are that is a dangerous game to play.
So, the choice is yours...who do you live for? Live for yourself, your pride, greed, money or jealousy? OR Live for God, the one who loves, understands, offers peace, a God of compassion to take care of others. Life is a choice, we each get to choose. Which road do you choose to take? Will your life change in this moment or will you continue to live for yourself? We all stray and fall away but God's love, mercy and grace is for EVERYONE who walks the face of this earth! Pick up your cross, bear it, fix what has been broken, give it to God and leave it at his feet to be reconciled.
What part of your life do you not trust to give to Jesus? He has proved he is trustworthy from the manger to the cross to the grave. He would do anything for us, after all he gave his life so we could live! We can never repay him because the cost was too high. We all were bought by the blood of the lamb! He was the perfect sacrifice. All he asks of us is to know him and make him known. Share the genuine love of Jesus with this lost and broken world. We are not to be hypocrites, how can you expect forgiveness if you don't offer it in return? We must stop being fake and phony, God is real and we are all destined with a purpose. We are to love people where they are at and serve God, love him, adore him, worship him. He is our father and Savior...he is worthy of all we have to offer!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Inspiration for the present time
Every have one of those "AH HA" God moments? Well today I got one in church. First let me say that if it could go wrong this morning it did...me and my friends ran late because a sleepover we decided to have about midnight Saturday night. You know how us girls like to stay up late talking :) So, with four of us trying to get ready with only 2 bathrooms you can imagine the chaos.
Any hoo, I didn't realize how powerful the songs would be or the message either today in church. I figured I might take a good money lesson home with me BUT NO...I got a life lesson. As I sang my heart out to God about how I give him everything so I can live for him...I realized I have one last area that must be surrender. I gave him my friends, my church, my job...he took and gave back what I was suppose to have according to his will for my life.
As PB starts preaching I think about my current situation and all the details. I realize the things I am struggling with are important but must be given up for God. I have 9 days to make a major decision and then 6 weeks to react/prepare to the decision. I know this sounds odd and weird but I'm not ready to publish the details till I can give them with God's glory shining through. What I can say is I trust him and he knows what is best for me. I have heart desires that I want but I struggle with wondering if they are what HE wants for me.
In the end, when times ceases to exist and I am standing in front of God on judgement day I want my Father in Heaven to look at me and say "Well done my good faithful servant" (Matthew 25). I never want to put any earthly thing or person ahead of him. The cost is high because it will cost me my desires but on the other hand we are promised that Eternity with God will be greater than anything we could ever imagine.
It's time and it all starts today! A new chapter has been written and I know what I must do. The plan of action is together. I will charge forward for God knowing he directs my steps.
Praise God for saving this sinner's life and giving me a purpose! We all have had messed up lives and some of us still live in them. When will you give it all to God? When is enough of this world enough? When does God get his rightful place in your life? I get it when people think I got it all but do you really? I had to hit rock bottom with dust blowing around me and when it all settled I realized I had no one but God! I lost everything yet he never left me and he has restored me!
I love you God and thank you for the sacrifice of the cross. I will pick up mine and follow you until you return.
Thanks PB for the reminder today that we must fight the fight of good faith...God will prevail.
Key scripture for today's message: 1 Timothy 6-12 (NLT) But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Any hoo, I didn't realize how powerful the songs would be or the message either today in church. I figured I might take a good money lesson home with me BUT NO...I got a life lesson. As I sang my heart out to God about how I give him everything so I can live for him...I realized I have one last area that must be surrender. I gave him my friends, my church, my job...he took and gave back what I was suppose to have according to his will for my life.
As PB starts preaching I think about my current situation and all the details. I realize the things I am struggling with are important but must be given up for God. I have 9 days to make a major decision and then 6 weeks to react/prepare to the decision. I know this sounds odd and weird but I'm not ready to publish the details till I can give them with God's glory shining through. What I can say is I trust him and he knows what is best for me. I have heart desires that I want but I struggle with wondering if they are what HE wants for me.
In the end, when times ceases to exist and I am standing in front of God on judgement day I want my Father in Heaven to look at me and say "Well done my good faithful servant" (Matthew 25). I never want to put any earthly thing or person ahead of him. The cost is high because it will cost me my desires but on the other hand we are promised that Eternity with God will be greater than anything we could ever imagine.
It's time and it all starts today! A new chapter has been written and I know what I must do. The plan of action is together. I will charge forward for God knowing he directs my steps.
Praise God for saving this sinner's life and giving me a purpose! We all have had messed up lives and some of us still live in them. When will you give it all to God? When is enough of this world enough? When does God get his rightful place in your life? I get it when people think I got it all but do you really? I had to hit rock bottom with dust blowing around me and when it all settled I realized I had no one but God! I lost everything yet he never left me and he has restored me!
I love you God and thank you for the sacrifice of the cross. I will pick up mine and follow you until you return.
Thanks PB for the reminder today that we must fight the fight of good faith...God will prevail.
Key scripture for today's message: 1 Timothy 6-12 (NLT) But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Freakin for real??
Life has its highs where you feel top of the world, so close to God then in an instant things change. To be honest it sucks!!! I want to live on the high of God forever yet I can't because we live in the world! God will bring justice to those who wrong him and his people. I must trust in him and him alone. He knows all even the things I don't understand. I am praying for his will, guidance and a job that lines up with what he wants me to do....NOT what I want.
Praise God for all the blessings in my life, my friends, my family and my future. I am about to embark on a new adventure in a new home with two additions :) and sad at the same time that I will be losing two little ones (my cats). I have to make sacrifices to have God's blessings sometimes but he will give me peace :) I love you God!!!
Praise God for all the blessings in my life, my friends, my family and my future. I am about to embark on a new adventure in a new home with two additions :) and sad at the same time that I will be losing two little ones (my cats). I have to make sacrifices to have God's blessings sometimes but he will give me peace :) I love you God!!!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
A happy meeting
I felt so blessed to spend my birthday night with a dear friend Jenny and at the TWLOHA speaking event. Jamie started TWLOHA years ago but it didn't start out as a cause. It all started from a burden to accept an invitation to go help a stranger. His random act of kindness sparked a friendship that changed a girl's life, who then allowed him to share her story. It started as a simple blog posted on the internet then it was a tag line to simply check out a blog on the web which turned into a message being heard around the world. I felt a joy to learn Jamie is a Christian who has full faith in God and that he is leading his life.
I believe in the message of TWLOHA. It's so simple yet most people can't...just love others! Relationships are hard but they are worth it! I first heard of TWLOHA while randomly surfing the net 1 1/2 years ago. I watched the video about the cause and it sparked something in my heart. I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of...I use to be a cutter who turned to drugs/alcohol and sex when the pain I held onto for 24 years couldn't be numbed anymore. I traded one addiction for another. Renee's message made me feel empowered to release the shame I carried for so many years.
I began a journey that has taken years to walk through with God's help. I am not ashamed of what I have been through...this was hard for some of my closest friends to understand. So, they walked away and I let them go! I can't be ashamed of what God wants me to do and that is to have a voice. I am to help others to let them release the pain they hold onto, show them God is loving, forgiving, merciful and a healer!
If I remained silent the world would never know what God has done for me and through me. I may be judged and lose friends on earth which has and will cause me pain but my rewards will come in Heaven!
Know that your story, your voice is important and should be heard! Never be ashamed...God loves you unconditionally!!!
Much love!
I believe in the message of TWLOHA. It's so simple yet most people can't...just love others! Relationships are hard but they are worth it! I first heard of TWLOHA while randomly surfing the net 1 1/2 years ago. I watched the video about the cause and it sparked something in my heart. I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of...I use to be a cutter who turned to drugs/alcohol and sex when the pain I held onto for 24 years couldn't be numbed anymore. I traded one addiction for another. Renee's message made me feel empowered to release the shame I carried for so many years.
I began a journey that has taken years to walk through with God's help. I am not ashamed of what I have been through...this was hard for some of my closest friends to understand. So, they walked away and I let them go! I can't be ashamed of what God wants me to do and that is to have a voice. I am to help others to let them release the pain they hold onto, show them God is loving, forgiving, merciful and a healer!
If I remained silent the world would never know what God has done for me and through me. I may be judged and lose friends on earth which has and will cause me pain but my rewards will come in Heaven!
Know that your story, your voice is important and should be heard! Never be ashamed...God loves you unconditionally!!!
Much love!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Can 35 minutes change your life?
Did you answer the title fast or stop to think? I spent the weekend at a OneThing09 conference. It is a place where worship, prayer and teaching takes place. I have been in a midst of change over the past 4 months. My life has been flipped, turned upside down...yet there is a peace in the chaos. It's about God and only about him! I heard of a place that would answer all my dreams of living and serving God every day...I would have to give up my dreams and trust God to know he is in control and he knows what is best for me. I only see the current picture and feel the emotions of the moment. Trusting God means he knows the bigger picture and he can change the desires on my heart to live TOTALLY for him which is where I find my true satisfaction!
The future is starting to unfold while the preparation begins!
The future is starting to unfold while the preparation begins!
TWLOHA coming to FSU 3/20/09
YAY....what an awesome birthday present to hear Renee speak! This cause, her story changed my life FOREVER and allowed me to know its okay to talk about my cutting past! Her story helped me, my story has helped others, what can you talk about to help those around you?
Original video that changed my life:
Original video that changed my life:
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Every have one of those days??
All week I have been dreading tonight. I haven't known why until now. I'm 12 hours away from home and I haven't been home in 3 months. However, my entire life has flipped upside down in the past 4 months and there are A LOT more changes to come. I really miss my family and wish I could be there...at this point I am tempted to just drive home to get a hug from my mom and have her tell me face to face "everything will be okay". I just have to realize that everything happens for a reason and God allows things to happen to us (sometimes these things are a result of our "bad" decisions) but it's all for a purpose. Every life is created for a reason. I battle with the idea of moving home but I know God wants me here. I have a mission at hand and until I am moved I will serve faithfully right here.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
What side of the coin do you live on?
The way I see it a coin gives us two choices, heads up (rising for battle) or tails up (defeated). Which side do you live on?
I am currently reading Warrior Chicks by Holly Wagner...it is an amazing book!
Here are a couple reminders I have read in the first 2 chapters:
1 - When we weather trials it builds our strength. Embrace the battle and be glad God loves you enough to make you a better person.
2 - Preparation is key. "If we are not prepared then when adversity comes our strength will be small. We can not let emotions rule us, if we don't rise then we will defined by our fall." I want my life defined by the getting up and rising to the occasion. I do not want to live in defeat.
Warriors are aggressive or experienced in battle. They possess dedication that money can not buy. They fight because of what they can give not what they will get out of it. A Warrior will die for their cause and will do whatever it takes to ensure victory.
Who are you?
I am a Warrior for God!
I am currently reading Warrior Chicks by Holly Wagner...it is an amazing book!
Here are a couple reminders I have read in the first 2 chapters:
1 - When we weather trials it builds our strength. Embrace the battle and be glad God loves you enough to make you a better person.
2 - Preparation is key. "If we are not prepared then when adversity comes our strength will be small. We can not let emotions rule us, if we don't rise then we will defined by our fall." I want my life defined by the getting up and rising to the occasion. I do not want to live in defeat.
Warriors are aggressive or experienced in battle. They possess dedication that money can not buy. They fight because of what they can give not what they will get out of it. A Warrior will die for their cause and will do whatever it takes to ensure victory.
Who are you?
I am a Warrior for God!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Project Love
WOW, this month has been awesome with our Heartless series! All aspects of my life were taken to new levels from friendships, worship, ministries and my life! I feel like all the hard work and faithfulness of the GCTV family was blessed beyond belief by God. He is so amazing! Diverge has seen almost 20 new students in 3 weeks since the merge. Our homeless shelter compassion project was a HUGE success and many of the people there came to church today! I love seeing all the new faces and the work God is doing. As I gear up for my visit to NYC this project prepared me for some of what I will see there and I can't wait to see how God uses me and changes the course of my life.
I was baptised today!!!! PRAISE GOD! Today was more than being dunked under water it represents a new life, the new creation I am in Him. I have been healed from a past life of abuse, hurts, disappointments and so much more. Yet, I love and forgive everyone who has ever crossed my path. I pray for them all to come to know God the way I do.
Over the past few days I have received several comments on how joyful and truly happy I appear within the past 5-6 weeks. The funny part is that it is totally a God thing...I lost everything from friends, a family member, finances, my job, everything but I never lost God. He clung to me as tight as I held onto him! He saved me and brought me through it all. The victory is mine in his name!
I love you God, thank you for never giving up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself!!!
I was baptised today!!!! PRAISE GOD! Today was more than being dunked under water it represents a new life, the new creation I am in Him. I have been healed from a past life of abuse, hurts, disappointments and so much more. Yet, I love and forgive everyone who has ever crossed my path. I pray for them all to come to know God the way I do.
Over the past few days I have received several comments on how joyful and truly happy I appear within the past 5-6 weeks. The funny part is that it is totally a God thing...I lost everything from friends, a family member, finances, my job, everything but I never lost God. He clung to me as tight as I held onto him! He saved me and brought me through it all. The victory is mine in his name!
I love you God, thank you for never giving up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself!!!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
GCTV Grand Opening 2-1-09
WOW, It's been a month since I have written a blog. I have had so much happen and yet it is ironic I haven't shared it. God is good times a zillion!!!!!!
God brought the people we have been praying for during our fast, some of us have been praying for years. God honored our sacrifices, he blessed us. Sunday morning I started working in kids church and it was amazing to see new kids come in there to learn about God.
There was one point when I had 4-5 kids looking up at me asking me to play a game with them. How could I say no? I didn't I got down on their level and showed them how God loves them by listening and taking time to spend with them. I think so many of us get busy in life that we forget what the kids need. They need for us to show them love, this is the love Jesus shows us, we are his children and he is there for us when we need it.
I hope to one day have a family but if that is not the path God puts me on then I will still honor him by loving these kids! They are the chosen generation that needs trained up in his Word.
Another blessing was a peace God gave me about a situation I have been dealing with for awhile. He also, sent the people :) and blessed me with time to fellowship with my small group and friends.
God is so amazing!
God brought the people we have been praying for during our fast, some of us have been praying for years. God honored our sacrifices, he blessed us. Sunday morning I started working in kids church and it was amazing to see new kids come in there to learn about God.
There was one point when I had 4-5 kids looking up at me asking me to play a game with them. How could I say no? I didn't I got down on their level and showed them how God loves them by listening and taking time to spend with them. I think so many of us get busy in life that we forget what the kids need. They need for us to show them love, this is the love Jesus shows us, we are his children and he is there for us when we need it.
I hope to one day have a family but if that is not the path God puts me on then I will still honor him by loving these kids! They are the chosen generation that needs trained up in his Word.
Another blessing was a peace God gave me about a situation I have been dealing with for awhile. He also, sent the people :) and blessed me with time to fellowship with my small group and friends.
God is so amazing!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
1st day of a corporate 21 day fast
I am fasting TV - no TV for me :)
I will allow myself to a limited amount of time over the next three weeks to watch movies of a spiritual nature. God has given me a couple visions and I need to seek him for his direction along with my prayer for GCTV and Diverge.
I will allow myself to a limited amount of time over the next three weeks to watch movies of a spiritual nature. God has given me a couple visions and I need to seek him for his direction along with my prayer for GCTV and Diverge.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
My 2009 Challenges
Reflection on 2008: God cleaned house! 1/1/08 marked a changing point in my life as I realized how I had been living was holding me back from God’s best. I took chances, relied on God and moved (physically and spiritually) when he spoke to me. In reality, this past year may have only been 365 days but I have been through more than what most people face in decades of their lives. The best part is I survived and God brought me through. Scripture became alive to me through all my tough times…tough doesn’t seem like the best word, maybe devastating, disastrous, debilitating…you get my point…it was REALLY, REALLY bad!!!!
I felt like Job at times because up to the beginning of 2008 I had always lived in a safety net with God. I had been challenged but felt tested within my “comfort” zone. 2008 threw up all over me with relationships, faith, health, finances and lots of other issues. I also battled a past that has haunted me for 24 years. I could no longer run…see God was answering a prayer I have been praying about for years….”God I want to live in your will for my life” I had to give up my life to live for him and he needed to clean up the garbage in my life to get me to a better place.
In 2009, I will allow God to keep “cleaning” out my closet as seasons change and the time comes to let go of the old to make room for the new. Life is a journey not a destination and the path can change; I must be open to it and trust God.
I felt like Ruth at times because I walked away from my family, old friends and old surroundings. I moved to Florida 3 ½ years ago after years of praying asking God to show me what he wanted me to do with my life. I didn’t even know God but I still prayed. I moved here and met him for the first time over 2 ½ years ago. My life has NEVER been the same. I sacrificed being with my family to be in Florida in hopes of a better life. Over the past couple years God has been doing a work in me and a couple months ago I had to make a decision to walk away from some important relationships in my life. This decision was not an easy one at all; I thought it was going to kill me because I care about these people so much. I have become stronger and realize that God saves people not me. He uses me but I can only do what he wants, he makes the breakthroughs…I am just a piece in the process – it’s his plan!
During this time, I have changed my thinking and realized with all the testing, cleaning out the old for the new to come in that I have had to patiently wait to hear from God. This offered me two challenges – patience and listening. I get so busy sometimes and like to know everything now because I am a planner, which in turn makes it hard to slow down.
In 2009, I will give God more time and myself to work on having peace by spending time with him and myself.
I have felt like Mary – I want to live with a servant’s heart. I have questioned the work being done in my life but ultimately have trusted God because he is in control. I have received MANY prophetic words about the calling I have on my life. I know these people are speaking God’s word because I have seen the visions before they gave me these words. I love how God can use absolute strangers to speak into your life to give you confirmation.
In 2009, I have to watch that I don’t “box” God in and settle for anything less than his best. Sometimes my flesh and the devil’s lies tell me that I can’t do certain things. However, scripture tells me differently…I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I will wait on God’s timing and discern the spiritual environment while waiting for his move.
The most important scripture that came alive to me was the persecution and crucifixion of Jesus. I love Jesus with all my heart and soul. I strive daily to be Christ like and it is hard sometimes because this world is rough. This year I was persecuted, judged, condemned, lied about and to, hurt, battered and bruised with words and actions, every angle of my life was attacked along with my name, who I am, my Christian beliefs and faith…no area was safe. During the months of this “beating” I clung to the cross and felt the heart of my Savior. Oddly through all this pain I feel honored that Jesus allowed me to be so close to him even though I know this is the hardest thing I have been through in my life.
That was the past…now for my challenges in 2009
-I am planning to enter a triathlon in 2010 so this year is the year to finish losing the weight I want and train. I lost 30 plus pounds in 2008 which was a great start. I plan to try new activities that have always intrigued me but I let fear hold me back. I will continue to walk, bike ride, rollerblade and swim. I want to rock climb (indoors at first), hike, kayak, snow board, boxing and attempt to surf and anything else that comes my way.
-I plan to have more God time and more me time. I give so much to others that I forget about myself. I won’t feel guilty when I take “me” time this year.
-I want to keep tapping into my artsy side. I’m not good at painting or drawing but love it. My favorite passion is poetry. I am even working on a book (not a goal for this year – God hasn’t shown me when this will happen yet, he has only told me to prepare).
-I will continue to build my ministries and move according to God’s will.
-I will spend more time enjoying life and building my friendships that God has blessed me with over the past couple of months. All these people have been lifesavers to me and will never know how dear they are to me!!!
-As the year changes so will my challenges, I will keep an open heart and mind.
My Motto for 2009: Live hard, play hard, and relax hard while living life to its fullest.
I want to grow physically and spiritually fit in 2009.
I felt like Job at times because up to the beginning of 2008 I had always lived in a safety net with God. I had been challenged but felt tested within my “comfort” zone. 2008 threw up all over me with relationships, faith, health, finances and lots of other issues. I also battled a past that has haunted me for 24 years. I could no longer run…see God was answering a prayer I have been praying about for years….”God I want to live in your will for my life” I had to give up my life to live for him and he needed to clean up the garbage in my life to get me to a better place.
In 2009, I will allow God to keep “cleaning” out my closet as seasons change and the time comes to let go of the old to make room for the new. Life is a journey not a destination and the path can change; I must be open to it and trust God.
I felt like Ruth at times because I walked away from my family, old friends and old surroundings. I moved to Florida 3 ½ years ago after years of praying asking God to show me what he wanted me to do with my life. I didn’t even know God but I still prayed. I moved here and met him for the first time over 2 ½ years ago. My life has NEVER been the same. I sacrificed being with my family to be in Florida in hopes of a better life. Over the past couple years God has been doing a work in me and a couple months ago I had to make a decision to walk away from some important relationships in my life. This decision was not an easy one at all; I thought it was going to kill me because I care about these people so much. I have become stronger and realize that God saves people not me. He uses me but I can only do what he wants, he makes the breakthroughs…I am just a piece in the process – it’s his plan!
During this time, I have changed my thinking and realized with all the testing, cleaning out the old for the new to come in that I have had to patiently wait to hear from God. This offered me two challenges – patience and listening. I get so busy sometimes and like to know everything now because I am a planner, which in turn makes it hard to slow down.
In 2009, I will give God more time and myself to work on having peace by spending time with him and myself.
I have felt like Mary – I want to live with a servant’s heart. I have questioned the work being done in my life but ultimately have trusted God because he is in control. I have received MANY prophetic words about the calling I have on my life. I know these people are speaking God’s word because I have seen the visions before they gave me these words. I love how God can use absolute strangers to speak into your life to give you confirmation.
In 2009, I have to watch that I don’t “box” God in and settle for anything less than his best. Sometimes my flesh and the devil’s lies tell me that I can’t do certain things. However, scripture tells me differently…I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I will wait on God’s timing and discern the spiritual environment while waiting for his move.
The most important scripture that came alive to me was the persecution and crucifixion of Jesus. I love Jesus with all my heart and soul. I strive daily to be Christ like and it is hard sometimes because this world is rough. This year I was persecuted, judged, condemned, lied about and to, hurt, battered and bruised with words and actions, every angle of my life was attacked along with my name, who I am, my Christian beliefs and faith…no area was safe. During the months of this “beating” I clung to the cross and felt the heart of my Savior. Oddly through all this pain I feel honored that Jesus allowed me to be so close to him even though I know this is the hardest thing I have been through in my life.
That was the past…now for my challenges in 2009
-I am planning to enter a triathlon in 2010 so this year is the year to finish losing the weight I want and train. I lost 30 plus pounds in 2008 which was a great start. I plan to try new activities that have always intrigued me but I let fear hold me back. I will continue to walk, bike ride, rollerblade and swim. I want to rock climb (indoors at first), hike, kayak, snow board, boxing and attempt to surf and anything else that comes my way.
-I plan to have more God time and more me time. I give so much to others that I forget about myself. I won’t feel guilty when I take “me” time this year.
-I want to keep tapping into my artsy side. I’m not good at painting or drawing but love it. My favorite passion is poetry. I am even working on a book (not a goal for this year – God hasn’t shown me when this will happen yet, he has only told me to prepare).
-I will continue to build my ministries and move according to God’s will.
-I will spend more time enjoying life and building my friendships that God has blessed me with over the past couple of months. All these people have been lifesavers to me and will never know how dear they are to me!!!
-As the year changes so will my challenges, I will keep an open heart and mind.
My Motto for 2009: Live hard, play hard, and relax hard while living life to its fullest.
I want to grow physically and spiritually fit in 2009.
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