Each day is a gift we are not entitled to. We are called to take a path that few journey on. I wrote a blog about the Legacy I want to leave behind on 7/09 and I keep thinking about what this life really means???
Would anyone notice if God called me home? I wonder how long till people realize I am not around...I am only on speaking terms with one of my brothers and my grandparents. I talk to them every couple of months and they live in VA. My mom (my only living parent) isn't speaking to me or my other brother. I don't have any family here in FL so how long would it take for people to know???
Since I am absent from their daily lives would it matter to anyone? I am NOT thinking in terms of being suicidal but I don't want to live this life then be called home by my maker to have not made a difference. What would my purpose have been if I didn't help somone, change someone's life by living as an example of Christ.
Have I made a difference? Did I do all God called me to do? Would people remember me and if they do, for what? If we don't conciously make an effort to make a difference time will slip by and we will look back on all the things we should have done not what we did!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Why are we really here??
Tell people the truth, God's truth when all they have known is lies.
We were made to be lovers in bold places till we are called home.
The body of Christ is to come alive to meet the needs of those in need.
It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.
We should know we are loved and don't go it alone.
...what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts. When we trade death for life.
The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope.
Love is the simple answer to so many of our questions. We're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.
I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love.
--------------------------------------------------------
Over the past month, I have taken one blow after another...watching others be blessed while I wait for God to step in to simply make the days more bearable. I have felt abandoned and forgotten. I give all I have, my time, my money, anything someone needs...so why do I work so hard to show God's love to others then when I become the one in need no one is there for me??? I believe God calls us to sacrifice but he doesn't call us to be stingy!!! I sow what I hope to reap one day.
Am I not where I belong? I shouldn't feel like I can't call on those who surround me, they call on me. I can understand how people fall through the cracks, get lost and disappear...does anyone ever notice they are gone? Is the world a safer place for those who can't find acceptance, love and hope in "church"? We are all called to be the body of Christ. At least in the world you expect pain and unacceptance but God's people should be loving, kind and giving. Don't get me wrong I know there is no greater love than the love from our Savior. However, isn't it hypocritical to be Christ-followers and not show love, mercy and grace to those around us?
Does anyone really, truly care or are they still wrapped up in their worlds and themselves they never notice the broken, hurting people around them. This life isn't about continually lifting up your friends, break out of your cliches that make you unapproachable to those who need the touch of the Savior.
I wonder if God will ask us in Heaven why they didn't reach out to the ones he put in our paths, the ones we were too busy to take time to help, he knows their name and when he asks...will we even know who he is talking about?
Thanks TWLOHA for the reminder above that there are people who care!
We were made to be lovers in bold places till we are called home.
The body of Christ is to come alive to meet the needs of those in need.
It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.
We should know we are loved and don't go it alone.
...what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts. When we trade death for life.
The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope.
Love is the simple answer to so many of our questions. We're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.
I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love.
--------------------------------------------------------
Over the past month, I have taken one blow after another...watching others be blessed while I wait for God to step in to simply make the days more bearable. I have felt abandoned and forgotten. I give all I have, my time, my money, anything someone needs...so why do I work so hard to show God's love to others then when I become the one in need no one is there for me??? I believe God calls us to sacrifice but he doesn't call us to be stingy!!! I sow what I hope to reap one day.
Am I not where I belong? I shouldn't feel like I can't call on those who surround me, they call on me. I can understand how people fall through the cracks, get lost and disappear...does anyone ever notice they are gone? Is the world a safer place for those who can't find acceptance, love and hope in "church"? We are all called to be the body of Christ. At least in the world you expect pain and unacceptance but God's people should be loving, kind and giving. Don't get me wrong I know there is no greater love than the love from our Savior. However, isn't it hypocritical to be Christ-followers and not show love, mercy and grace to those around us?
Does anyone really, truly care or are they still wrapped up in their worlds and themselves they never notice the broken, hurting people around them. This life isn't about continually lifting up your friends, break out of your cliches that make you unapproachable to those who need the touch of the Savior.
I wonder if God will ask us in Heaven why they didn't reach out to the ones he put in our paths, the ones we were too busy to take time to help, he knows their name and when he asks...will we even know who he is talking about?
Thanks TWLOHA for the reminder above that there are people who care!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Nothing to say...it speaks for itself!
Precious Pain
Everybody's got a hunger
No matter where they are
Everybody clings to their own fear
Everybody hides some scar
Precious pain
Empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains
Precious pain
Everybody's got a reason
To abandon their plan
How can I think of tomorrow
With my sorrow in hand
Precious pain
Empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains
Precious pain
Each road that I walk down
Reminds me of you
This whole town is haunted
There'll never be anything new
Precious pain
Empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains
Precious pain
Everybody's got a hunger
No matter where they are
Everybody clings to their own fear
Everybody hides some scar
Precious pain
Empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains
Precious pain
Everybody's got a reason
To abandon their plan
How can I think of tomorrow
With my sorrow in hand
Precious pain
Empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains
Precious pain
Each road that I walk down
Reminds me of you
This whole town is haunted
There'll never be anything new
Precious pain
Empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains
Precious pain
A Survivor's Story...
Almost two years ago I walked away from an abusive relationship that had me tangled up in all kinds of mess. The more I tried to escape the worse it got. No one knew what was hidden deep in my heart but this wasn't the first time I had dealt with abuse...it has littered my life. I became a master of disguise. I wrote this story for a contest, the question they asked was: What does being a survivor mean to me?
I never submitted it so you get to read it...
Being a survivor is more than bruises and wounds healing while your heart is mending. By definition, a survivor is to remain alive or in existence; live on. To me it means choosing life, the decision to wake up each day and live life in victory and not as a victim.
You have a voice don't be silenced and live in fear. By denying the abuse and walking in silence you give your abuser control over you again and again.
The first step in healing is to break the silence. You find out who you are and how much inner strength you have when you survive abuse no matter what age you were when it happened. Regardless of the type of abuse it was you are strong enough to survive. Remember, you were one of the lucky ones that lived when so many die.
God allowed your life to be spared for a purpose and now is your time to make a difference. The decision now becomes yours..will you seek to just live and exist or will you seek to help others who need you?
I never submitted it so you get to read it...
Being a survivor is more than bruises and wounds healing while your heart is mending. By definition, a survivor is to remain alive or in existence; live on. To me it means choosing life, the decision to wake up each day and live life in victory and not as a victim.
You have a voice don't be silenced and live in fear. By denying the abuse and walking in silence you give your abuser control over you again and again.
The first step in healing is to break the silence. You find out who you are and how much inner strength you have when you survive abuse no matter what age you were when it happened. Regardless of the type of abuse it was you are strong enough to survive. Remember, you were one of the lucky ones that lived when so many die.
God allowed your life to be spared for a purpose and now is your time to make a difference. The decision now becomes yours..will you seek to just live and exist or will you seek to help others who need you?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Tripped up on Chapter 3
I am currently reading Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick. This book is eye opening and amazing...a must read!
I get to the end of chapter 3 and it says to consider my page 23 vision. I stop to think about what I am believing God do in my life, what I believe is impossible. I write down a prayer and it seems selfish but in my spirit I know why I want it but can't get my thoughts or words to come together. I get very upset but not a crying upset but a mad upset!!! You could even say I was very pissed off (not a common mood for me)!
I serve God and people with ALL that I am, I am not perfect and have room for improvement just like anyone else. I am believing God to bring me inner healing from the inside out from my past. I need God to prepare my mind, body and spirit for what he has instore for me. I need total healing to be who I am supposed to be. He is preparing my heart for the person I am suppose to be with, I know this because I can see how I am changing. He is "tweeking" my thinking and view that was distorted long ago by the circumstances of my life. He is revealing himself and his views through his word in my life.
Sometimes it gets hard to wait on healing when you know God can step in and make it all better in an instant. However, if he does that then you miss the struggle that pulls you toward him. You wouldn't seek him to be your comforter and he couldn't reveal who he is when you need it most.
I have an overcoming and determined spirit it has kept me going thus far in life and will keep me going in the future. My healing is gradual and keeps me taking steps forward in my faith. I know the miracles God has already performed in my life and I can't wait to see what else he plans to do with me. I must wait on the Lord, be strong and take heart for my God is in control.
I get to the end of chapter 3 and it says to consider my page 23 vision. I stop to think about what I am believing God do in my life, what I believe is impossible. I write down a prayer and it seems selfish but in my spirit I know why I want it but can't get my thoughts or words to come together. I get very upset but not a crying upset but a mad upset!!! You could even say I was very pissed off (not a common mood for me)!
I serve God and people with ALL that I am, I am not perfect and have room for improvement just like anyone else. I am believing God to bring me inner healing from the inside out from my past. I need God to prepare my mind, body and spirit for what he has instore for me. I need total healing to be who I am supposed to be. He is preparing my heart for the person I am suppose to be with, I know this because I can see how I am changing. He is "tweeking" my thinking and view that was distorted long ago by the circumstances of my life. He is revealing himself and his views through his word in my life.
Sometimes it gets hard to wait on healing when you know God can step in and make it all better in an instant. However, if he does that then you miss the struggle that pulls you toward him. You wouldn't seek him to be your comforter and he couldn't reveal who he is when you need it most.
I have an overcoming and determined spirit it has kept me going thus far in life and will keep me going in the future. My healing is gradual and keeps me taking steps forward in my faith. I know the miracles God has already performed in my life and I can't wait to see what else he plans to do with me. I must wait on the Lord, be strong and take heart for my God is in control.
GIVE.ME.FAITH. opening video from Elevation Church on Vimeo.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
One
One breathe, one look, one spark was all it took
You hide, I seek, you run, I chase
I hide, you seek, I run, you chase
I can't live without you, your the breathe I breathe
You're the air in my space
You're the one who stirs my spirit
You make me want to be better at everything
You being You makes Me be Me
You hide, I seek, you run, I chase
I hide, you seek, I run, you chase
I can't live without you, your the breathe I breathe
You're the air in my space
You're the one who stirs my spirit
You make me want to be better at everything
You being You makes Me be Me
God is so FREAKIN amazingly awesome!!!!!!!
So here goes my life :) I hear from God, I struggle if I really heard from God to do something (mainly the struggle is because I want to help everyone and serve everywhere but I can't do it all) BTW...the struggle is normal if we didn't wrestle with "confirming" it is from God then we are probably too cocky that we know everything. The reality is we need to seek him when he speaks to know what direction to go because you can bet that the enemy is going to try to knock you off course.
I committed to go to Haiti...not really much money to put towards it due to the mounting medical bills that came after having an unplanned complication which resulted in a hospital stay and many additional services but I know God is bigger than the bills :(
About 3 weeks ago I sent out some letters to friends and family back home asking them to search their hearts to determine if they could help me. I asked them to pray and determine if God was leading them to help me with a financial blessing or prayer. I struggled with 2 of the letters because I am not that close to these family members and it has been a very, very long time since I have spoken to them.
Last week I got a check from one of them and a letter with very kind words. Then today I got another check from someone who in the past has criticized my desire to help others through missions. I won't lie it really flipped my world that God has pressed on their hearts to help me. I love that God uses those who you think won't respond while the ones I thought would haven't.
This has ignited my Sun Stand Still prayer...I have a few but one that has been rooted in the deepest place of my soul....I am going BOLDLY to the throne of the Lord and I won't stop praying, seeking and searching!!! In the past, I have quietly approached God whispering my prayer. I believe God will give me what I see as impossible because he has not only put the desire in my heart but he wants the best for me.
What do you feel is impossible to ever come true??? Take it to God and with all you have believe he will do the impossible.
I committed to go to Haiti...not really much money to put towards it due to the mounting medical bills that came after having an unplanned complication which resulted in a hospital stay and many additional services but I know God is bigger than the bills :(
About 3 weeks ago I sent out some letters to friends and family back home asking them to search their hearts to determine if they could help me. I asked them to pray and determine if God was leading them to help me with a financial blessing or prayer. I struggled with 2 of the letters because I am not that close to these family members and it has been a very, very long time since I have spoken to them.
Last week I got a check from one of them and a letter with very kind words. Then today I got another check from someone who in the past has criticized my desire to help others through missions. I won't lie it really flipped my world that God has pressed on their hearts to help me. I love that God uses those who you think won't respond while the ones I thought would haven't.
This has ignited my Sun Stand Still prayer...I have a few but one that has been rooted in the deepest place of my soul....I am going BOLDLY to the throne of the Lord and I won't stop praying, seeking and searching!!! In the past, I have quietly approached God whispering my prayer. I believe God will give me what I see as impossible because he has not only put the desire in my heart but he wants the best for me.
What do you feel is impossible to ever come true??? Take it to God and with all you have believe he will do the impossible.
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