Stripped of all innocence, I didn't ask for this pain.
I stand in your presence Lord wondering who am I?
God I need you to define me.
You stripped away all the old, all the bad of this world and made me a new creation.
Cleanse my mind and heart with your refreshing water.
God take away all the garbage this world has deposited in me.
Give me new hope to walk in my God ordained purpose, my destiny you created for me before my name was ever spoken.
You knew me before the world met me.
You define me while the world tries to destroy me but you reign and your glory will shine through my brokenness in this lost and dark world.
It only takes one flame to start a fire.
I am ready for a revival, come live in me.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
We are all different, ever wonder why?
Today in church it hit me that some of us are bold and others quiet.
We each come from different walks of life. Some are raised in Christian homes while others aren't. Some learn lessons in life the hard way and hope others learn from their examples. The worship song today had a line in it that said I give it all to you Lord, use all I have been through for your glory. I have had a jagged past filled with abuse, self harm, drug, alcohol and other addictions. The only thing that has ever filled the void in my heart is Jesus and I will spend the rest of my life sharing that message. The world offers band aid treatments but God offers surgery to heal the wounds so you can life a full life in him.
Some people will never understand my passion to reach the youth and young adults who are broken, lost and hurt. I can not ever forget what Jesus has saved me from otherwise my past had no purpose. I will live solely for him to spread his Good News of love, hope and restoration that was displayed by the sacrifice he made on the cross.
I love you Jesus!!!
We each come from different walks of life. Some are raised in Christian homes while others aren't. Some learn lessons in life the hard way and hope others learn from their examples. The worship song today had a line in it that said I give it all to you Lord, use all I have been through for your glory. I have had a jagged past filled with abuse, self harm, drug, alcohol and other addictions. The only thing that has ever filled the void in my heart is Jesus and I will spend the rest of my life sharing that message. The world offers band aid treatments but God offers surgery to heal the wounds so you can life a full life in him.
Some people will never understand my passion to reach the youth and young adults who are broken, lost and hurt. I can not ever forget what Jesus has saved me from otherwise my past had no purpose. I will live solely for him to spread his Good News of love, hope and restoration that was displayed by the sacrifice he made on the cross.
I love you Jesus!!!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Powerful One-liners...
Have you ever heard a simple sentence with so few words but its impact is profound on your life? Has a simple scripture, song lyric or simple conversation ever made you think how did I miss this?? I have received a few of these this week and want to share them with you :) I hope you are just as inspired as I am to listen, read and expect more from the simpler things in life. God is everywhere!
1 - "I’M PRAYING THERE WILL BE A BREAKTHROUGH, CAUSE I CAN’T BE THE ONE TO SAVE YOU,
GOD KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES I’VE TRIED" a song lyric from Jesus Loves You by Stellar Kart.
How true this statement rings in my ears about past friendships. I have poured my heart and soul into other people's lives yet there has to be a time when I step aside and say "I have done all I can do and I have said all I can say". God is the only one who can breakthrough in his time not mine and maybe not by using me. I can't save the entire world just plant seeds.
2 - "Now that I've found You everything around me is changing, Nothing will be the same, Now that You've saved me" a song lyric from Only One by Hillsong.
It's amazing how 2 1/2 years after meeting God he still shows up in an awesome way each day. For 2 months now I have been battling my past and present which will ultimately change my future. God has stretched me beyond what I thought I could handle, he proved strong in my weakness. Everything really has changed once I gave him complete control of my life.
3 - "He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?" Romans 8:32 Amplified Bible
During lunch the other day God put it on my heart to read Romans 8. I read it slowly three times and it really spoke to me. I decided that night to read it again before bed and verse 32 stood out so boldly. I started to cry from my soul, it felt like my heart broke as I read this and realized God gave so much for us to show us he loves us, he cares, he gives us hope and he gave us Jesus. This one line offers so much knowledge into who God is and how much he loves us.
It really makes you think!
1 - "I’M PRAYING THERE WILL BE A BREAKTHROUGH, CAUSE I CAN’T BE THE ONE TO SAVE YOU,
GOD KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES I’VE TRIED" a song lyric from Jesus Loves You by Stellar Kart.
How true this statement rings in my ears about past friendships. I have poured my heart and soul into other people's lives yet there has to be a time when I step aside and say "I have done all I can do and I have said all I can say". God is the only one who can breakthrough in his time not mine and maybe not by using me. I can't save the entire world just plant seeds.
2 - "Now that I've found You everything around me is changing, Nothing will be the same, Now that You've saved me" a song lyric from Only One by Hillsong.
It's amazing how 2 1/2 years after meeting God he still shows up in an awesome way each day. For 2 months now I have been battling my past and present which will ultimately change my future. God has stretched me beyond what I thought I could handle, he proved strong in my weakness. Everything really has changed once I gave him complete control of my life.
3 - "He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?" Romans 8:32 Amplified Bible
During lunch the other day God put it on my heart to read Romans 8. I read it slowly three times and it really spoke to me. I decided that night to read it again before bed and verse 32 stood out so boldly. I started to cry from my soul, it felt like my heart broke as I read this and realized God gave so much for us to show us he loves us, he cares, he gives us hope and he gave us Jesus. This one line offers so much knowledge into who God is and how much he loves us.
It really makes you think!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
We must live by God's agenda not the world's
Okay, have you ever been blindsided by life? I have and it's not fun...lol
About six weeks ago my entire life as I knew it was shattered! When I woke up from what I thought was a nightmare I realized God was holding all the pieces of my life. He has plans greater than what I will ever imagine. I must trust him even when the pain is so unbearable I don't feel I can go on. He will always send help, I just have to have an open heart and mind to receive it.
About six weeks ago my entire life as I knew it was shattered! When I woke up from what I thought was a nightmare I realized God was holding all the pieces of my life. He has plans greater than what I will ever imagine. I must trust him even when the pain is so unbearable I don't feel I can go on. He will always send help, I just have to have an open heart and mind to receive it.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Analogy of a Tattoo
I believe God is always with us even when we think he isn't. No one laugh but God spoke to me through one of my new tattoos....ok, stop laughing I'm serious! He showed me how he is the artist of my heart, my life and is in control. Let me explain....
I went into the tattoo shop back home last Wednesday, the night before I gave the artist and idea of what I wanted on my wrist. I gave him 3 symbols: a cross, a heart and a dove. I wanted basic and simple. He asked me if he could create a design and if I liked it he could tattoo it. I said "sure" but in my mind I thought I know what I want and how I want it. So when I went in Wednesday I was a bit nervous to see what he came up with but to my surprise I loved it!!! He created a cross, heart and dove coming out of a cloud...it is a smokey color around the cloud and white in the center. To me he captured what I wanted but didn't say...Even in darkness God's love can shine through by the work done on the cross which brings peace.
Now today I am in what I call the "icky" stage of a tattoo...it itches and is scabbing...yuck! I can see the beauty of what it will look like but these layers of skin must shed on their own. I must be patient, if I scratch it or pick the scabs it will cause the color to be uneven because it has not healed. The beauty of the design created by the artist will be compromised. If I neglect the needed treatment 5 times a day of applying lotion it could also cause problems. I must be patient while the process is taking place.
So how did God speak to me you may be wondering...
Right now in my life I am dealing with my past and in the process of breaking off toxic relationships. God showed me that he is the artist of my life. There is pain at times but in the process he is doing a new work. The layers must be cared for then when its time they will shed so the beauty of the work he has done will shine through! Be patient and know he is in control even when it seems so unbearable.
During this process of healing and growing in spiritual maturity I realize God place leaders in our paths to help us and guide us. I have had to learn to trust others with my past and have faith that God will heal.
I went into the tattoo shop back home last Wednesday, the night before I gave the artist and idea of what I wanted on my wrist. I gave him 3 symbols: a cross, a heart and a dove. I wanted basic and simple. He asked me if he could create a design and if I liked it he could tattoo it. I said "sure" but in my mind I thought I know what I want and how I want it. So when I went in Wednesday I was a bit nervous to see what he came up with but to my surprise I loved it!!! He created a cross, heart and dove coming out of a cloud...it is a smokey color around the cloud and white in the center. To me he captured what I wanted but didn't say...Even in darkness God's love can shine through by the work done on the cross which brings peace.
Now today I am in what I call the "icky" stage of a tattoo...it itches and is scabbing...yuck! I can see the beauty of what it will look like but these layers of skin must shed on their own. I must be patient, if I scratch it or pick the scabs it will cause the color to be uneven because it has not healed. The beauty of the design created by the artist will be compromised. If I neglect the needed treatment 5 times a day of applying lotion it could also cause problems. I must be patient while the process is taking place.
So how did God speak to me you may be wondering...
Right now in my life I am dealing with my past and in the process of breaking off toxic relationships. God showed me that he is the artist of my life. There is pain at times but in the process he is doing a new work. The layers must be cared for then when its time they will shed so the beauty of the work he has done will shine through! Be patient and know he is in control even when it seems so unbearable.
During this process of healing and growing in spiritual maturity I realize God place leaders in our paths to help us and guide us. I have had to learn to trust others with my past and have faith that God will heal.
8 Random Things About Me :)
Why 8? No reason, everyone does top 10 so I did top 8. I am the most unique person I know :)
1 - I have a secret obsession with Tattoos (ok, now everyone knows so its not a secret anymore) I have 7 and each one has a spiritual meaning. I do not randomly get tattoos they all represent a time and place in my life. My next piece will be the largest one ever...it is also to represent the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life which I am still working through.
2 - I have always wanted to dance in the rain but when it rains I always run to get away from it. I think I could melt :) LOL
3 - I have been married, divorced and do not have kids. I am not one of those people who has vowed to never be married again...just the opposite, I look forward to the day God brings a man into my life. I loved being married I was just married to the wrong person. God is my match maker these days, I do a really bad job when I try to take over that job.
4 - I love Hello Kitty...she caused me to commit my first sin that I can remember lol. The girl up the street had everything in Hello Kitty and I had nothing so I stole a little plastic figurine from her house...to this day it still haunts me :)
5 - I love to laugh and feel like I belong :)
6 - I use to live in Virginia, I lived there for 29 years and 3 years ago God told me to move to Tallahassee, Florida....so I did! Greatest and hardest decision I ever made but for the first time in my life, I truly met Jesus here :)
7 - I buy too many books and start reading them to end up putting them down to start another one.
8 - I love Dog the Bounty Hunter tv show...Leland Chapman (Dog's son) is HOT and not just because he is tattooed :) but yes that is part of the reason
Feel free to ask me random questions :)
1 - I have a secret obsession with Tattoos (ok, now everyone knows so its not a secret anymore) I have 7 and each one has a spiritual meaning. I do not randomly get tattoos they all represent a time and place in my life. My next piece will be the largest one ever...it is also to represent the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life which I am still working through.
2 - I have always wanted to dance in the rain but when it rains I always run to get away from it. I think I could melt :) LOL
3 - I have been married, divorced and do not have kids. I am not one of those people who has vowed to never be married again...just the opposite, I look forward to the day God brings a man into my life. I loved being married I was just married to the wrong person. God is my match maker these days, I do a really bad job when I try to take over that job.
4 - I love Hello Kitty...she caused me to commit my first sin that I can remember lol. The girl up the street had everything in Hello Kitty and I had nothing so I stole a little plastic figurine from her house...to this day it still haunts me :)
5 - I love to laugh and feel like I belong :)
6 - I use to live in Virginia, I lived there for 29 years and 3 years ago God told me to move to Tallahassee, Florida....so I did! Greatest and hardest decision I ever made but for the first time in my life, I truly met Jesus here :)
7 - I buy too many books and start reading them to end up putting them down to start another one.
8 - I love Dog the Bounty Hunter tv show...Leland Chapman (Dog's son) is HOT and not just because he is tattooed :) but yes that is part of the reason
Feel free to ask me random questions :)
Catching Up
It has been weeks since I posted any new blogs...God has given me many topics but in my own weakness and due to lack of time I haven't posted them. So all you faithful readers...hold on to your seat because I am gonna write a bunch in the next few days. I hope they are enlightening and inspiring. Hugs and kisses :)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Crossroads...
Have you ever felt like you needed a change in your life? Maybe you knew you needed it but didn’t know if you had the strength to follow through with it. Has God ever given you a little nudge to see if you would stand the test? Well…that’s me, I am standing at the crossroad of my life right now; it’s a place between the past and the future, also known as the present. I have to decide if what I have always known and done is how I want to continue to live. Thus far it has sustained me and gotten me by but lately I find I’m longing more for God. I’m also longing to live fully in the body of Christ. Up to this point I have been so focused on certain people God has placed in my past I somehow lost focus of everyone else. I need fellowship with people who share the same passion for Christ that I do. People who want to know Him and make Him known. Not people who just have knowledge of him but those who lay down their own life to live for him. We as the body of Christ are to reach the lost and broken to show them God’s love and to do that we must know Him and love Him deeply.
I imagine myself standing on a large cross; I’m at the point where both pieces of the boards meet. I can’t go back, nothing will ever be the same and I can’t live in the past. Yet, I don’t want to stay stagnate moving from left to right. I must endure on this journey to keep rising to the top. I want to keep growing spiritually to be closer to God. Life is a battle; there are moments of peace and time for war (spiritual). Each season offers new challenges and if you chose to accept your assignments from God you will reap blessings beyond belief but it may cause you to have to stretch beyond anything you have ever experienced and hang on in the tough times, when faith is all you have to hold. God never said life would be easy, he did tell us he would never leave or forsake us.
Sometimes I don’t think we know exactly how broken we were until God starts a new process in us to awaken and refresh us to all he is, what he has for us and all he wants us to be in Him. When God has called you to move you must wait for him to give you instructions. What he tells me may not be what he tells someone else in the same situation as me. Be cautious of your own heart and what it wants versus what God wants you to do. The mind is a tricky place when emotions come into the picture. It’s easy to forget all the bad times when your mind is only playing a tape of the Good Ole days. Remember God is moving you for a reason with a specific purpose in mind, he knows the Master Plan…we don’t. Trust him, have faith and hold on…his adventure is just beginning.
I imagine myself standing on a large cross; I’m at the point where both pieces of the boards meet. I can’t go back, nothing will ever be the same and I can’t live in the past. Yet, I don’t want to stay stagnate moving from left to right. I must endure on this journey to keep rising to the top. I want to keep growing spiritually to be closer to God. Life is a battle; there are moments of peace and time for war (spiritual). Each season offers new challenges and if you chose to accept your assignments from God you will reap blessings beyond belief but it may cause you to have to stretch beyond anything you have ever experienced and hang on in the tough times, when faith is all you have to hold. God never said life would be easy, he did tell us he would never leave or forsake us.
Sometimes I don’t think we know exactly how broken we were until God starts a new process in us to awaken and refresh us to all he is, what he has for us and all he wants us to be in Him. When God has called you to move you must wait for him to give you instructions. What he tells me may not be what he tells someone else in the same situation as me. Be cautious of your own heart and what it wants versus what God wants you to do. The mind is a tricky place when emotions come into the picture. It’s easy to forget all the bad times when your mind is only playing a tape of the Good Ole days. Remember God is moving you for a reason with a specific purpose in mind, he knows the Master Plan…we don’t. Trust him, have faith and hold on…his adventure is just beginning.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
An ah-ha moment...
Have you ever felt like you were floating through life not knowing or understanding your purpose? I had one of those days, right now I don't know if I have seen a glimpse of the future or if it will be the present moment. My moment was Tuesday night...I have been asking God why am I here...what do you want me doing...do you want me to move...just speak to me...I need to hear from you.
Weeks of seeking and my life changed in one phone call. A received a phone call from someone in need of my help. Without a second thought I hopped into reaction mode to help them. I realized that I am needed here...there are lost and broken people who I can help in this world. Although I am not perfect, I give God my life to use me as he choses.
At times it costs me "fun" to the world and many judge me for not being like them but that's okay...my reward is not here on earth but in Heaven. I will not live for this world when I know paradise is waiting for me when Jesus returns to take his children home with him. However, make no mistake if you do not know Jesus then the father will cast you into the lake of Hell. There will be no way for you to plead your case of the right things you did on earth. If you did not know the father then he will not know you on judgement day.
Hell is a place of torture not a party. Those sent there will only know suffering and will never have peace. They will watch those in Heaven and see all that paradise had to offer...yes had to offer because Hell is not a place for restoration but a place of final resting. Once you are sent there you will never leave!
I repent of my sins and know that I am not perfect and fall short of the Glory of God. That is why I need his love and mercy to help me make it. He is so wonderful and I love Jesus with all my heart and soul!
Weeks of seeking and my life changed in one phone call. A received a phone call from someone in need of my help. Without a second thought I hopped into reaction mode to help them. I realized that I am needed here...there are lost and broken people who I can help in this world. Although I am not perfect, I give God my life to use me as he choses.
At times it costs me "fun" to the world and many judge me for not being like them but that's okay...my reward is not here on earth but in Heaven. I will not live for this world when I know paradise is waiting for me when Jesus returns to take his children home with him. However, make no mistake if you do not know Jesus then the father will cast you into the lake of Hell. There will be no way for you to plead your case of the right things you did on earth. If you did not know the father then he will not know you on judgement day.
Hell is a place of torture not a party. Those sent there will only know suffering and will never have peace. They will watch those in Heaven and see all that paradise had to offer...yes had to offer because Hell is not a place for restoration but a place of final resting. Once you are sent there you will never leave!
I repent of my sins and know that I am not perfect and fall short of the Glory of God. That is why I need his love and mercy to help me make it. He is so wonderful and I love Jesus with all my heart and soul!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Time Heals Wounds???? No way!
It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. quoted by: Rose Kennedy
I don't buy it! I have 32 years of hurt that people have done to me...all stored up in my heart. Now with that said I have forgiven them but it still hurts sometimes.
I don't buy it! I have 32 years of hurt that people have done to me...all stored up in my heart. Now with that said I have forgiven them but it still hurts sometimes.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Let me be myself - 3 Doors Down along with my own reflection
Have you ever had someone you poured everything into? Your heart, soul, energy, money, etc...you gave them everything. Yet you always felt like it wasn't enough. They had this control over you and made you feel like you were nothing unless you did what they wanted and always went along with their plans. They never stop to think that you just wanted to be yourself. I don't want to ever live in someone else's shadow again. I want to be myself and live for myself. When I meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with I want him to always stand beside me and not smother me. At some point you will stop breathing and not know what to do anymore when all you have ever known is control.
They are right!
I have been battling my past and my present which will ultimately affect my future. I sinned and have repented, asked God to forgive me. He has! He died on a cross for my sins. I now must forgive myself and learn from my mistake. Life will never be the same but how can it be? Each day offers new lessons to be learned. Thank you God for sending so many people into my life today to tell me I am human and yes I fell short of the Glory of God but I am his child, he loves me and since I asked for forgiveness I am forgiven. I need time to heal and re-group. I give so much that right now I have nothing left. I need to be still and spend time in God's presence and just be with him. He is the only one that can bring me true joy and happiness. He loves me unconditionally with no underlying reasons or agendas. He loves me for me because he made me the way he wants me....faults and all. I love you God! Thank you for never giving up on me!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Yay...I'm back with a new blog location
I have been beaten down and left battered, bruised and crushed but I am STILL standing. I am re-grouping and trying to determine where to go from here. Stay tuned for more details :)
Back again...for some strange reason it just feels good to know I am back online with my blog. I am ready for a new start...I am leaving all things old in the past and going forward for new friends, memories, adventure and a new life. My bags are packed but I can't decide if I want my new start to be here or if one of the 50 states offers a new start. Guess you'll have to wait and see....LOL, just like me!
Back again...for some strange reason it just feels good to know I am back online with my blog. I am ready for a new start...I am leaving all things old in the past and going forward for new friends, memories, adventure and a new life. My bags are packed but I can't decide if I want my new start to be here or if one of the 50 states offers a new start. Guess you'll have to wait and see....LOL, just like me!
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