I posted my last blog on Easter after an amazing service. The following day marked a Day of Evil, a time of spiritual warfare. If you have never been through a time period where you felt like you were fighting for your life then please take a moment to thank God! I knew that day I needed to stop, re-group, prepare and retreat to deal with what was coming. The funny thing is we can never really prepare for the future when we don't know what is coming. However, we can trust that our season is in God's hand.
I knew I only had 5 days after Easter to get my cats and myself ready for a trip back to Virginia. My kitties were going to new homes and I was taking some stuff back home to store while I am in this transitional phase of my life. I felt this huge weight deposited on my heart and mind that whole week. I couldn't put my finger on why. That whole week brought new issues arising with the youth and things they are dealing with. The more I talked to these kids the more I knew my "secret" victories in God would become known. What is kept in secret can not show God's glory if no one knows what he has done for us. WHY DO PEOPLE NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR PASTS OR HOW GOD HAS SAVED THEM? I feel there is a time and place for each of us. Yet, if you don't share it then aren't you being unjust to our God who showed you love, mercy, forgiveness and kindness to save you??? I try to be an open book with most of my life because I am so thankful for what I have been saved from.
So, I headed to Virginia on the 17th and here is the run down of what happen :)
Saturday - My 12 hour drive took 15 1/2 hours in the car with 2 cats (one who cried for 6 hours straight) then I cried for 5 hours straight - my heart was so heavy and all that was running through my mind was my concern for this generation and what they are dealing with. Also, PMSing didn't help my emotions!
Sunday - I spend the afternoon/evening with my youngest brother. We went up to his property which is right beside my dad's old place. My dad died 10 years ago this year and I hadn't been back there since the day of his funeral. All the memories flooded back in an instant. I became overwhelmed! Then during our chit chat I find out someone I cared for was killed years ago and I never was told. It still makes no sense to me how I never knew. I guess we all assume people's lives continue even when we don't talk to them but in this case that didn't happen :(
Monday - I went and had dinner with my other brother and his family. It was so nice because I felt so connected to his wife. She lost her mom last Thanksgiving day to a rare form of cancer. They told her in May of last year she would have 6 months to live and there was no cure. Her mom was so full of life and a blessing to have known. My brother and I started talking about childhood which during my teenage years was the worst part of my life. My dad walked out on our family when I was 13 yrs old and it sent me into a tail spin.
Tuesday - I was reminded as I took my second cat to her new home an hour away in the country that there are still places where times stands still. It was the kinda place my dad always talked about us moving to when we were grown. My last memories are of him building a natural spring from the mountain, plowing the land, all the stuff you do on a farm to become self-sufficient. He died before his dream ever came true.
Wednesday - I had lunch with my step-dad and it was well needed. I wanted to clear the air that I don't hate him. He and my mom divorced last year. He almost died a year ago, he had like 3 open heart surgeries in a months time. They kept him in a medically induced coma for 2-3 weeks to ensure the infection cleared up that had developed around his heart. I can't imagine laying on a hospital bed in a coma, not knowing what is going on and your chest being opened. They wouldn't sew him up until they knew he was ok. It was odd talking to him about generational things and how so much "junk" is passed down in families not just medically but spiritually too.
Thursday - I felt sick and overwhelmed so I rested all day.
Friday - I had to deal with one of my least favorite people in the world. As she mocked my faith, my music and my life. I stood firm on God's Word and showed her love and mercy with a smile. I bit my tongue A LOT!!!!
Saturday - One of my loved ones kicked a meth habit a couple years ago after it almost took his life. I knew he was strong and praise God he did it. Yet today I found something disturbing that reminded me how quickly a person can fall. How fast a life can be lost if they are not around the right people. After talking to him, I found out that what I found was not his and not as serious as what I first thought. My discernment was right but it was a harsh reminder about life! Later that night I went out to eat and ran into some childhood friends. I was sadly reminded how their lives changed when someone they loved took their life. She left behind kids and family that will never be the same. My heart just breaks to know that teens are using suicide as a way out of their lives. I want them to know there is hope in Jesus!
Sunday - I had to face the fact that my time at home was coming to an end. Of course, what says end of trip like a medical scare? We received a call that my 7 year old nephew was rushed to the ER after the people taking care of him accidentally doubled his meds. He had to be given additional meds to counteract what was in his system. Since my nephew is autistic they couldn't pump his stomach because he is very prone to seizures. The thought of losing him about killed me! It is so hard to know he can't communicate with anyone, his language is all his own. All I can do is know that he is in God's hands.
There were a few more thing that happen to me and issues that arose but for time sake you get the point. Now I ask with all that who wouldn't admit to having a bad week? I'm not perfect and need God's help as much as the next person. Occationally, I even need a break. I go about a 100 miles a minute and sometimes it catches up with me!
As I return to the blogging world tonight I am reminded of what I had to press through to get to where I am right now. The enemy pulled every possible trick to get me to stay home and not go to my Beth Moore study group but I knew God had something in store for me. On my way there I heard on the radio that God uses the people we are trying to reach to reach us. YES, that statement is so true!!!
During the study, Beth Moore reminded us of a few things:
- Job was tested and had faith in God even though he did not know the spiritual battle that was taking place. He trusted God and when things got bad he worshiped him.
- Peter had to have his life "sifted". God doesn't want us to keep suppressing our past mistakes, fear or hurts. He wants us to lay them at his feet so he can deal with them. We must trust God. He is after us to purify us. Have you allowed God to "sift" your life? If not, you may be giving the enemy a foothold.
- Authenticity comes through trials. Jesus is our rock and our foundation must be build upon him not our garbage from the past.
I realized tonight that I have spend a lot of time with God and I will continue to strive for growth. Sometimes that means I will have to go through times that are uncomfortable. I must hold on and know he is in control even when everything seems out of control. God came to heal us and if we confess our estate, he will restore it. I realized that my past hurts and life issues I have been apart of or know about has shaped me in one way or another...now I have to allow God's Glory to shine through. Each time God gives me the chance to reveal how his love and mercy has changed my life then his glory is shining through and the Kingdom of Heaven is being enlarged!
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