I SURVIVED!!!!

I made it through this brief time of darkness. My spirit had been really troubled for a couple hours last night. I just couldn't put my finger on it just something felt wrong!

You know God has really healed you when your flesh tries to make you think the "past" is where you should be, that the "past" is where all the missed opportunities are and that maybe you should try to open the doors that have been closed.

Thank you God for reversing that thinking in my mind...the spiritual battle raged above me as my mind raced, the tears fell like a flood! I cranked the worship music and proclaimed your name, your power and your strength that lives in me that will get me through. I felt like a weak helpless child to the point of almost being ashamed but I AM NOT! God never intended me to do this life apart from Him or others so I begged Him to help me and send angels!

God because he is God and so awesome went a step further! He brought my thoughts back to why I had to walk away from an abusive relationship that lasted over 6 years. For a long time I called it other things except what it was....Abuse! I remained committed expecting things to one day get better or change somehow but they never did so I had to walk away. Now don't get me wrong I'm not perfect, never have been and NEVER will be. I need the love, mercy and grace from God to keep going. It is amazing how the mind works, you sometimes forget the bad things because somehow the good out weights it but not when you realistically look at the big picture. I struggled with walking away because I don't give up easy. However, I had a Pastor tell me one time that sometimes you have to walk away because if you don't everyone involved will spiritually die but what if the one who walked away lived and went on to do great things for God's Kingdom then it is a chance that must be taken. You can pray that the other's follow suit but if not it was a choice they made NOT you!

Then God opens my heart and drops a vision he has for me about my future which totally pumps me up. It also reminds me He is in control not me, it is about His timing not mine.

Then I get a text from two good friends that they are on their way...they have no clue what is going on with me. I remain very private about certain things in my life. Normally I would have shut them down to keep dealing with this junk but there wasn't anything to deal with because God showed me it is done!!! Then everything I had been feeling was lifted! A spiritual freedom!!!! The past won't keep me in bondage to destroy my destiny.

I have to view my past as a decision of freedom. I walked away to live, I was dying as a Christian back then because I am a radical, passionate person and I couldn't be. I wasn't all God called me to be and I'm still working on that part but I am no longer made to feel guilty about pursuing a life for Christ!